25-One Year Later, My personal thoughts

[Kevin]

One Year Later, My personal thoughts

Wow. One year has gone by already. One year since staring into the face of death. And that’s what it was.

The Treachery of the Crisis

Just one year ago, it looked like Palladium was going out of business. Laid low by a dear and trusted friend. One of my best and closest friends for 25 years. A guy who was like an Uncle to my kids. A legendary Defiler. My right hand man at Palladium. My confidant. It was crushing blow that stunned us all.

I started to have my suspicions, but nothing like what we'd uncover. The first shocker came when an IRS Officer appeared at Palladium’s front door demanding we provide X, Y & Z information in 10 days or the IRS would padlock our doors and sell off our assets! That’s what happens when the payroll tax money goes missing, the boss is lied to about it, and the dozen IRS notices (the last three sent by Certified Mail) are concealed and the lies continue to flow like water. I have to say, the IRS Agent was very nice. She realized early on that I was in the dark and innocent of wrongdoing. She told me she sees this kind of thing all the time with companies big and small. That it happens much more often than anyone would imagine, and that it is always the trusted partner or long-time employee. She worked with me the best she could. One of the first of a multitude of people who would show me and Palladium great kindness.

The IRS was only the tip of the iceberg. Thank god, I had already hired a bookkeeping troubleshooter the week before to look into things, though she only confirmed our dire straights.

That was one year before my public appeal for help. From that point forward things only got worse. The perpetrator was quickly fired, but for the next several months it seemed like we discovered a new problem, lie or horror ever day or two. It was a nightmare on both a business and personal level. There were tears, anger, and disbelief on the part of everyone. It seemed impossible. There must be a mistake. This just can’t be.

For a little over one year we struggled to right a sinking ship plundered and sabotaged by the First Mate. Our emotions were raw. Our spirits dashed, our hopes quickly sinking with the ship. We were stupified and dazed -- the walking wounded. I kept my crew in the loop every second. We’re like family you know, so I confided in them with exactly how bad things were and how they were getting worse. Not one even thought about leaving for another job. All worked longer hours without complaint or extra pay. They all said they knew I could fix this. They had faith. They’d seen me pull off miracles before. Only I was out of miracles. Thus, all except Wayne were shocked and dumbfound when I told them Palladium was going out of business and I had an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney.

We had hit bottom. The atmosphere at Palladium was like a tomb. As I made plans to go out of business, my brain kept going over every detail of our situation in search for a way out. I analyzed and analyzed. I spoke to friends, attorneys, accountants and experts, but there seemed to be no solution. No way to overcome the treachery that was doing us in. That made our situation seem all the more miserable. 25 years and it was over. It sucked. 25 years. It was now February, 2006, and this was Palladium’s 25 Year Anniversary, how ironic. How sad.

I began the painful task of calling my investors, freelancers, and friends. They were stunned and saddened. Like us before them, they couldn’t believe it. They offered up dozens of suggestions and ideas, always things we had already done, tried or considered over the last year. Time and time again, I heard heartfelt grief and the kind words:

“Kevin, if I had the money I’d lend it to you. Hell, I’d give it to you. I can’t imagine a world without Palladium.”

It became a mantra that I heard, often word for word, over and over again.

An idea brings hope . . .

Every person I called was so kind, sad and caring, which only made me feel worse. I felt like it was my fault even though everyone from my attorney and accountant to the IRS Officers and investors told me it wasn't.

And there it was again and again, the mantra . . . “Kevin, if I had the money I’d lend it to you. Hell, I’d give it to you. I can’t imagine a world without Palladium.”

After hearing that 20 times, an idea formed in my head. After hearing it 20 more times, I started to think, this was it! A plan that could work! Our last hope.

I mulled the idea over in my mind for weeks before I bounced it off Wayne: Make a public appeal to our fans. Tell them what has happened and how they can make a difference.

Wayne didn’t know if it would work. Neither did I. He said it sounded desperate. I said we were desperate. He said our detractors would have a field day with this and attack me and Palladium. I said, they’d say the same things when we announced we were going out of business. So what? He said it was embarrassing. I said we had done everything we could, and that it was never embarrassing to ask a friend for help. He said it could hurt our reputation. I said, we’re dead unless we try something. He said it could kill the movie deal. I said what’s the diff if we’re dead anyway? He said the plan felt desperate and the outcome was uncertain. We didn’t know anybody else who had ever done such a thing and come out on the winning end. Our debts were tremendous. Our needs great. This would be the mother of all long shots. And if it didn’t work, it could hasten our demise. I would hear these comments another 50 times from everyone I bounced the idea off on. A few actually begged me not to do it. Most ultimately said they trusted my judgement. Only 3-4 people thought it was a great idea.

Of course, Wayne (who has always been behind me and Palladium 100%) and everyone else, were just trying to help by raising the pros and cons. Everyone said they were behind me 100%, win or lose, and, indeed, have stood by me to this very day.

The more I thought about it the more right it felt. Palladium and I always had a special relationship with the fans. We had nothing to lose by asking for their help. I never cared about losing face or what people might think of me. I’m a bottom-line kind of person who is content knowing his friends and the people who really matter know the truth. But I did need to know I had done everything possible. That I explored every viable option and did my best. Then, at least, we would go down fighting. Still, I was conflicted.

I had spoken to every advisor, expert and friend I could find, and there was no clear solution. I had considered every possible contingency and went over them countless times. Even those who thought the appeal to our fans was a good idea pointed out that the “appeal” had to have the right pitch and tone. It had to offer a solution. It had to speak to hope and friendship. And I had to write it. I had to find the right words to properly convey our situation and inspire people to help.

As I mulled this over the next couple of weeks, I tried to figure out what to say. I also continued to bounce the idea off those I trusted. One day my pal, Teresa Mead called and her words rang in my head with resounding clarity. “I know your fans, Kevin. I think they’d be angry and disappointed if they learned they had a chance to help save Palladium and you didn’t ask them.”

Teresa was absolutely right. I knew it the second she said it. I had my resolve. When I went home that night and told Kathy, she agreed, saying, “I told you before I think it's a good idea. You should do it. Soon.”

Yeah. I had a plan and the resolve. I believe in people. I know our fans. I felt in my heart, this would work. Okay . . . I didn’t “know it,” and I was scared out of my wits, but I believed it could. Now, it boiled down to me and what I said in my appeal. If I screwed up, it was over for Palladium. If I did good . . . who knows?

I had tried to write something a week or two earlier, but it stunk. When I sat down to write the public appeal with my new resolve, the words flowed out of me like water. I must have reread the thing a dozen times before I had Wayne post it.

Then we waited.

The Miracle

We did not have to wait long! Your respond was immediate and determined. Orders flooded in faster than any of us had imagined. It was unbelievable, amazing and wonderful.

I don’t need to go over that again as it is well documented. Besides, you were there. You lived it with us. You’ve heard my thanks and praise. I’ve told you that you, our fans, that you could make a difference, and you did. I said you are all heroes and I mean it. You made a profound difference. Not only to the beloved business entity that is Palladium Books, but me and everyone intimately involved with Palladium Books, and to other fans. You pulled us from death’s door and have given us a second chance.

But more importantly, you reminded us of how good and kind us human beings can be. One creep laid us low -- THOUSANDS of YOU rallied to raise us back up. Thousands.

It was a beautiful and humbling experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life. It has made me stronger and more appreciative of what I have. Even if Palladium should fail to win its battle (and I don’t think that’s going to happen), YOU lifted our spirits from the pits of despair and gave us hope. Real hope, and the tools to persevere and win this battle.

On a personal note, you lifted my spirit to heights I never imagined. I am so positive and empowered that I’m writing the best I’ve ever written. Ideas are flying out of me faster than we can execute, and we have all kinds of plans, hopes and dreams that should carry Palladium to new heights.

Are we saved? Safe from going out of business? Heck, no. Not yet. But we are light-years from where we were just one year ago. The last year hasn’t been a roller coaster ride, it has been a rocket ride through the heavens. We had hit bottom. Hope was gone, but thanks to your kindness and caring we blasted out of the darkness and into the bright warm sky. We can see sunrises and rainbows up ahead. Can we reach them? That I don't know, but we're working on it.

We are in Phase Two to make your gift of life soar and achieve all it can achieve. We are working hard to make it so.

In the meanwhile, we are also working to remain true to all the things you love about Palladium, it’s products, ideals and people. We are trying to create GREAT product, not just good books that are "good enough." We have unleashed our imaginations and we are trying to take our work to new heights to wow you with everything we do. We want to excite and thrill you. It’s our way of telling you thank you. It’s our way of showing you your sacrifices, words and help was worth the effort.

It is not enough for Palladium Books to “survive,” we want to soar and deliver new heights of adventure and fun. That’s our goal. That’s what we are working on right now. That's the only thing that can keep us getting stronger so we can continue for another 25 years. I hope you’ll find that we are accomplishing that goal.

Please know that you’re thoughts, suggestions, and constructive criticisms are ALWAYS welcomed. Please know that YOU are always in our thoughts each and every time we create a new book. Believe that Palladium will never give up on the role-playing hobby, nor will I ever forget what you have done for us in our hour of most desperate need. Together we can make this new dream -- a dream filled with hope, imagination and heart -- our next reality.

Is there a God? Are there guardian angels or ancestors who watch over us and help us in our darkest hour? Are ideas and inspiration the dividne spark? Is life Karma? Does what we do in life, echo in eternity? Can we use the Force? I don’t know the answers to any of those questions, but from my experience, I think the answer must be yes.

Thank you for listening to my mutterings and murmurings. Keep the faith, game on and keep those imaginations burning bright.

A humble and hopeful,
Kevin Siembieda
Publisher, Writer, Artist and One Rich Guy to Have Friends & Fans Like You.

© Copyright April 26, 2007