A sad time . . . goodbye Cindy Bailey

[Kevin]

The passing of Cindy Bailey

As some of you already know, Kathy Simmons’ Sister, Cindy Bailey, passed away Saturday morning.

Kathy Simmons is Palladium’s bookkeeper and Online Order Processing person. She’s also my sweetheart and we live together. Her brother, Bill Bailey, works part-time in the Palladium warehouse. Cindy Bailey, is their Sister.

Cindy was a tiny lady, four feet, 8 inches tall, maybe 90 pounds. She always worked hard and tried to do what she thought was best. She had been suffering from poor health and diabetes, for a while now, and took an early retirement last Fall. All in all, Cindy remained pretty active, was involved in numerous church functions (the Ladies Guild, bake sales, etc.), still drove and was looking forward to relaxing a bit and enjoying her retirement.

In January, 2007, Cindy, became suddenly and unexpectedly ill. We’d later learned she had suffered a massive heart attack. For the last two months, the poor lady was up and down healthwise. Admitted to the hospital, then a nursing home, then back in the hospital, then another hospital, and back and forth. She suffered another couple of heart attacks and then pneumonia. We thought we were going to lose her a couple of times.

Through it all, Cindy tried to stay positive and longed to get well enough to go back home. Her veins were too small and her condition too fragile to handle heart surgery, so we all hoped that dialysis and other treatment would be enough.

Dialysis was a double-edged sword. On one hand, it made Cindy feel much better and it was vital to her survival. On other hand, the strain on her body and heart was severe, and the family was warned that the treatment could cause another heart attack.

Sure enough, Saturday morning, March 31, 2007, during dialysis treatment, Cindy suffered a massive heart-attack and she was gone.

As sad as this is, we believe Cindy is in a better place. As fate would have it, she was feeling much better the past couple of days. She was looking forward to going back to the Nursing Home on Sunday, and hopefully she'd be home in a few weeks. Cindy and her brother, Bill, had an especially nice, long visit Friday night at the hospital. Cindy’s spirits were the highest they had been in weeks. She was happy and Bill left her smiling. When she died, it was quick. The pain is gone, and now she is in a much better place.

Cindy Bailey was 57. She is survived by her Brother, William Bailey, Sister, Kathleen Simmons, Nieces, Tina and Jaime, and was Great Aunt to three other children. Family and Friends will say their final goodbyes at the Voran Funeral Home, on Goddard Road in Taylor, MI – Tuesday, April 3, 2007 – from 2:00 PM till 8:30 PM. The funeral will be Wednesday morning.

I post this Murmur, out of respect for the family, in memoriam to Cindy, and because I know many of you care about what’s going on at Palladium Books.

Of course, Bill and Kathy (and other close family members) are taking Cindy’s death the hardest. Especially Bill, as he and Cindy shared a home together. All in all, however, I’d have to say everyone has been handling the loss pretty well so far. I imagine the funeral will be hardest for everyone.

(Business Note: I'm sorry, but yes, this will have some small impact on Palladium’s schedule, delaying D-Bees of North America and knocking other books off schedule by a week or so. Regrettably, the delay of one book has a snowball effect on the rest of our schedule. I hope you understand.)

Funny, the death of one person reminds me of all the other people I’ve loved and lost over the years: my Mother, Grandparents, friends and family. The memories are bitter sweet. You remember the good times and smile. You miss that they are gone. That there can’t be any new memories to make or cherish, and a tear forms.

Then, for me at least, I think about how lucky I am and how good my life is. I have had the great honor of meeting and befriending some pretty amazing people in my life. Many of whom I have loved and whose friendships I have and always will cherish.

Let’s face it, death sucks. At least for those of us left behind. It leaves a hole in us that sometimes is never quite filled up again. It reminds us of our own mortality and of the others we’ve loved and loss. Such reflection can be good, though for some it can be overwhelming.

Two of the great ladies in my life, my Mother and my Grandmother, both gone, taught me, long ago, that it’s okay to feel loss and cry like a baby. But then to push past the sorrow and pain and remember the good. To revel in the joy and warmth of those good moments and be glad we have them nestled away in our memories.

Even more importantly, cherish the people in your life, here and now. To try to be aware of what you have, while you have it. Appreciate and enjoy it. Know that it is the people in your life who make it so good. That means you need to find the time to send a friend or family member an e-mail or a card, or a quick phone call, just to say, “Hi, thinking of you.” Make the time to spend with a pal or loved one. Let them know with a smile, a squeeze, or a thank you, that you appreciate them and that they are an important part of your wonderful life. Remind yourself how fortunate you are to have all those people who care about you and help make life worth living.

Yep, be aware of the moment, and drink it in deeply, and be warmed by it.

Sure life has its ups and downs. It has its crushing disappointments, heartbreaking losses and momentary defeats. But it is the uplifting moments born from love and tenderness, beauty and joy, friendship and camaraderie, laughter and playfulness, and all the little triumphs that keep us feeling alive and happy. It’s the people who make life good. Life itself is a triumph, and it is always fullest and richest when you share it with friends and those you love.

It may sound strange, but those kind of thoughts make me look forward to the Palladium Open House more than ever. I can hardly wait, because it’s one of those good times surrounded by friends and other crazy, like-minded people from fans I hardly know (but hope to know better) to my generous freelancers to my wonderful friends. I’m going to drink in the moments of that weekend and revel in it like I did last year. And I’m gonna do it by playing stupid games, talking and laughing with anybody who crosses my path, and being with the people I care about. Maybe that’s why last year’s Open House was so fun and different. It’s not just a gaming convention, it is a gathering of friends. A time and a place where we all let our hair down, and behave like the big fan boy geeks we are, and have fun and enjoy ourselves by enjoying each other. Wow, that’s pretty cool. Really cool! I never quite thought about it like that before.

Any way, thank you for making my life so rich and rewarding. I don’t know why I deserve to be so lucky, but I sure do welcome, embrace and cherish it . . . cherish you . . . in the here and now. I just wanted you to know that.

I hope I didn’t get too maudlin with what turned into a reflective murmur. It comes from the heart.

And tonight . . . when you get home or before you go to sleep, or after you read this, give your wife or sweetheart an extra hug and kiss. Hold your son or daughter tight, even if they holler to let them go, and tell them you love them. Give your Mom or Dad, or Brother or Sister a holler, and tell ‘em how you’re glad they’re part of your world. Tell them how they make your life rich and wonderful. Tell them you’re glad they are in life and in your heart. Tell them just incase there isn’t a tomorrow, and so that you and that hug becomes one of those warm memories in the tomorrows to come.

Kevin Siembieda
Publisher, President, Writer, Artist, and One Lucky Son of a . . .
© Copyright April 2, 2007