Network Omni News

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue May 30, 2006 3:29 pm

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 5/302567/451249---Mensaplex, Egroid Sector, Thundercloud Galaxy
Galactic Organization Device Crashes on Trial Run--
Cyberneticists are chargrined today after the first operational run of the new, and much vaunted, Galactic Organizational Device ended in a dismal systems crash.
The controversial Galactic Organizational Device, a massive computer the size of a large moon, and utilizing hypercom virtual circuitry to insure isntantaneous speed communications and calculations throughout its immense construction, was touted by its builders, a coalition of neutral scholarly worlds and organizations in the Thundercloud, as the ultimate in mega-scale single-piece computer technology, and was meant to calculate all possible, and ideal, hyper-routes and wormhole passages throughout the Three Galaxies, as well as serve as the hub of an expanding intergalactic hyper-internet system. part of the equally controversal TriGaComCorps' initiative to build a galactic communications net.
After over 150 years' construction time, including three complete teardowns and rebuilds to incorporate new technologies, and over 300 billion credits in expeditures, however, the Galactic Organizational Device's troubles seem to be far from over...despite the massive cost overruns and scrupulous attention to detail, this latest setback was finally tracked down to a space ugly chewing through a small, but important, cable line, resulting in a propulgating systems cascade failure.
"Over 300 miles in diameter, forty billion comtechs working on it, redundant power generation, defensive radiation shielding up the hoboy, systems redundancy like all get out, and nobody thinks to vermin-proof a single access tunnel.....POOF! And we're set back another ten years...Yeah, you could say we're feeling a little embarassed." admitted Senior Sysop Ringto Yemetz.
Others NON spoke to are less certain that it was an accident however. Anonymous sources say that the Mensaplex and TriGaComCorps' decision to offer open systems access to all data generated by the Galactic Organization Device didn't sit with both TGE and CCW representatives who reportedly tried to gain exclusive rights to the Device's runtime.
"We wouldn't kowtow to the warmongers and let them have all the goodies for themselves. so they decided to assassinate the Device!" one angry and nameless protestor complained to reporters, "That ugly didn't get there by itself!".

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue May 30, 2006 3:33 pm

darkmax wrote:*** Protest outside the Galoot embassy, several hundred Golgans are rioting in protest of the incident. ***

Golgan denizen: We will find you, Galoot garbage! We promise! When we find you, you better pray for a fast death for you and your family!

VVVVRRRRRRROOOOOO(squish)OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Galootan Diplomat: "Biigie, did you just feel something as we drove out of the embassy parking lot? I coulda sworn e hit something..."

Galootan Chaffeur: "Noo'sir....but the roads around here tend to rather soft...a ground car like ours, it tends to sink a little...not enough to get stuck, but enough to feel it through the suspension!"

The Gallootan Ambassadorial Sedan(think and armored Liberty Ship on wheels) keeps thundering on down the road...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed May 31, 2006 3:18 pm

(Cue ad shot)

Tired of shelling out megas for the latest in mimimalist streamlined a-g that may get you there faster(or maybe not with the traffic laws being what they are in most urban areas)? Soaring like an avian no longer doing it for you?
Go retro, go megascale, with a geoyacht from Galoot Motors!
Yes, they still build'em like they used to on Galoot, and now that these automotive enthusiasts have joined the greater galactic community, they're making that expertise available to you, the discriminating motorist!
These wheeled ground-traction geoyachts have slen-power to burn, room to spare, and their curable construction will last for years...at a fraction of the cost of a flimsier A-G sedan, you can have a mobile home and office that will have everyone in your neighborhood looking one in awe and screaming in terror!
You've seen them on holovid(cue footage of an enormous ship-sized multi-wheeled SUV with tires the size of a ferris wheel roaming negligently over a horde of Golgan security vehicles), now own the talk of the Anvil Galaxy, starting with the GM Rampage eighty-seater, starting at only ninety-thousand guc! Or maybe our new GM Defibrilator, comes with applique armor, laser -reflective suncoating, sunroof, internal jacuzzi, game deck, and wall-to-wall aerogel carpeting, for a bargain three million guc!
Make your presence known in a geoyacht!
Only from Galoot Motors!
(Disclaimer: Not all options available, depending on planet of residence. Sales prohibited in the Golgan Republik, see retailers for details).

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed May 31, 2006 10:30 pm

(Previous ad cuts short...and we see instead;
ANAZAR THE ANGUISHED wearing his usual black Fallen CosmoKnight Armor, standing atop a heavily themed GeoYacht....a psychotic theme...skull grillwork, death rune bumperstickers, cannon mounts everywhere, ribcage trim, giant spiked steamroller wheels, enough black on black oaint to start absorbing light....thing's easily over 80 ft tall at the hood...in short, the sort of vehicle soccer moms would KILL to have...)

Anazar: "Hey, maybe Mister Lam-O auto salesman didn't make it clear....you're not going to WANT to buy a GeoYacht, you're going to HAVE to buy a Geoyacht!
Otherwise, I'm going to find everyone of you who are trying to click OFF this commercial, and cut off your legs so you're gonna have to buy a GeoYacht to drive because obviously you can't WALK anywhere!!!!
So BUY ONE!!!! With all the features!!! EVERYTHING!!!!
(to someone offcamera) And I want a fifty percent commission..THAT'S -FIFTY_ percent!...on every sale!!! I don't care if you didn't ask for my endorsement, you got it now and you're gonna pay me NOW!!!
Like your lawyers scare me....those that are still alive that is....."
(Looks back at the camera) And Sir Goody Two-Boots, if you're listening, yeah, I'm the guy who killed your home planet! What you gonna do about it? Threaten to sue me too? Kiss my (patootie-binny-binny-yin-yang), Cosmo-Mutt!!!"
(ANAZAR reaches up and crushes the holocam...vidfeed goes dark)

(We now return to our regularly scheduled forum)

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Thu Jun 01, 2006 12:44 am

darkmax wrote:*** Animal Rights Activists surround the exclaimer and beat him up ***

"No cruelty to animals!"

Don't worry, the death is always quick and painless as possible.

And if they did come for me, I would be packing.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 01, 2006 7:41 pm

Alpha 11 wrote:
darkmax wrote:*** Animal Rights Activists surround the exclaimer and beat him up ***

"No cruelty to animals!"

Don't worry, the death is always quick and painless as possible. And if they did come for me, I would be packing.

Galactic Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animal LifeForms member: "Hello, NightStrike Associates? I saw your ad on the holoband net; "They Never See Us Coming'?...I got a job for you..."

(Hey, it's Prevention of Cruelty to ANIMALS...sentients are another thing entirely...)

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 12:47 am

taalismn wrote:
Alpha 11 wrote:
darkmax wrote:*** Animal Rights Activists surround the exclaimer and beat him up ***

"No cruelty to animals!"

Don't worry, the death is always quick and painless as possible. And if they did come for me, I would be packing.

Galactic Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animal LifeForms member: "Hello, NightStrike Associates? I saw your ad on the holoband net; "They Never See Us Coming'?...I got a job for you..."

(Hey, it's Prevention of Cruelty to ANIMALS...sentients are another thing entirely...)

He, he! This is fun! Anyways, I would not go after dogs anyways, I like dogs, got one for a pet, along with a cat. No I would go after bigger and a LOT better things like deer(they multiply like rabbits were I live), and other game animals. And I am TOTALLY against Cruelty to animals.

I would love to work them over if I ever got my hands on one.

Just thought I would let you all know. Anyways, lets get back to what we were doing. Were is that little dog? He, he!

And I would just have to heir Preventive Stike Associates, their cosest and big time rivel compation to keep me safe and to go after the ones that are comeing after me.

So if you get me, I might get you too.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 3:58 pm

Netowrk Omni New Op-Ed: Rimmrunner's Side Notes:

"Don't be alarmed folks...word on the Rim is somebody hired some real heavy dagger-in-back talent to take down the Kentucky-Fried Giant Slugs franchises all over the sector...But I think we can all agree that since that incident when the Lepidoddren ambassador was served his own grubs during a courtesy call, nobody with an ounce of compassion(or stomach acid) is eating at KFGS, so no great loss there....
But keep clear of the Smiling Generallismo all the same...you never know with some of these snuff-outfits...when they get an order to do a complete sweep, some of them go strat-nuke at the drop of the pin...hate to see some of you chums get irradiated because somebody got something against gastrpods agratin..."

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 4:05 pm

darkmax wrote:Hmm... the ultimate fumigation.

Make sure your account with Safe-T-Clone is paid up and updated

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 5:08 pm

hmmm....I take it you went with the 'No Replicant-Error' package and the 'Only One Clone Revived At A Time' proviso in your living will...(and that in itself is a real problem....Remember Karlos Zeander, of the Zeander GaunoTech Terraforming Corporation? Guy got accidentally buried under a pile of Wonderlizer(Bovine Formula #52811185) and the docs on the spot wrote him off as braindead, dependent on lifesupport..so they activated his clone backup which he'd just updated, and turned off his evnt..only the original revived...bywhich time Karlos II had already taken the reins of power...that's when it really hit the fan...)....Otherwise, you could have some real clone wars on your hands(and I still get the heebiegeebies from those flashbacks to the Xerox Conflicts)...

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 02, 2006 5:32 pm

We may have created a monster on this forum...

Start hiring mercenaries....
Run down to your nearest Galactic Armory, Paladin Steel, Hartigal Combine, or Naruni Enterprises outlet and start using up all your coupons!
Contact the CosmoKnights!

Or better yet, better contact the makers of CarniCrunchies...we may have a new flavor for them....

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 12:44 am

darkmax wrote:A crystal display activates with a touch.

A telepathic voice from the crystal says, "Hello there, Agent Cyrus. We have a mission for you. You will be required to work alone. Should you choose to accept, as usual, we will not acknowledge your existence or actions should you be caught or killed during your mission."

A squeaky-voiced Cyrus replied, "I accept."

The crystal continues, "We have aquired some information regarding an organization with several infamous key figures, openly torturing and mercilessly killing low intelligent lifeforms. Your mission is to identify the perpetrators and do unto them the cruelties they've done to those low intelligent lifeforms. This crystal will vaporized in 3 seconds."

A lonely figure biting a Terillian cigar stand up and walk out the door in the background. The crystal begins to shine blindingly and nothing was left when the flash subsides.

But I have a counter to your "secret agent". :demon:

His mother. BWA HA HA HA!!!! :demon:

And if that does not work, I will just hire his cousin, which will cost me my first born and half of all my money. But it makes your guy look like a little girl.*Sudders* But hay, lets up the anty, I saved a big wigs daughter in the CCW, who has connections to the military special forces, and fleet command. Can you say, orbital bombardment?

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Jun 03, 2006 12:45 pm

"Here's an allegorical tale for all you paranoid blaster-babies and galactic crusaders out there that's emerged from this recent spate of assassin wars that have been sliding about the dark matter side of the Three Galaxies...about a fella who up and annoyed the wrong people...doesn't matter the who and how and the why...'cept to say he got some contracts passed on him and caught wind of them, so he decided to counter...fight fire with fire...adn it looked like he was going to lay down some pat hands that would have the stratosphere of a few worlds raining bodyparts for a cycle or two...
All those connections, all those high-price security systems, all that payoff to make sure people watch his back, all that sneaking around and changing residences, all that double-dealing and deal-making, all those favors called in, pre-emptive measures pulled...and what happens? He chokes to death on a donut...
Just goes to show you; sage advice;

CHEW YOUR FOOD !!!!"

---The Rimrunner's Side Notes.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sun Jun 04, 2006 12:57 am

NOOOOO!!!!! How could I come to such a tragic end! :shock:

But at least you never got me! BWA HA HA HA! :twisted:

This was fun. Do you want to continue with my back up clone of myself? Or do you want to go our seperate ways? :twisted:

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jun 04, 2006 3:00 pm

Alpha 11 wrote::shock: NOOOOO!!!!! How could I come to such a tragic end! But at least you never got me! BWA HA HA HA! This was fun. Do you want to continue with my back up clone of myself? Or do you want to go our seperate ways?

"Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, to the first Kreeghor Imperial Approved Galactic Gameshow to ever air on Network Omni News and across the Three Galaxies!....It's Educational, it's Inspirational, it's Motivational!...It's

------------------------JUST TRY TO HIDE!!!!!--------------------------

And now for our host, the ever indominable, the ever abomidable, Krelac Killzooonnnnnnnnneeeeeee!!!

(A Kreeghor Invincible Guardsman in a spiffy tailored suit, and chrome-coated spikes, comes running out on stage)

"Hello, hello, hello, Three Galaxies!!!! I love ya, I love ya, I want ya! Specifically, I want YOU, because you're a traitor to the Empire!
(points at a suddenly furtive Kreeghor in the back rows of the audience, who suddenly vanishes in blast of grue and puff of superheated air).
See, we've barely begun the show and already we had a contestant!
And he lost!
But of that isn;t demonstration enough, lemme tell you a little about our show!
I gotta admitt, it wasn't originally our idea, see, and we confess it...but an idea from those ever lovable little flesh-bags ...the Humans! Oh, oh, oh, not particularly fast, not particularly bright, not even strong...certainly not tough...but boy oh boy do they have great imaginations! And we picked up an old, old, OLD transmission of one of their shows...and it was quality stuff! They called it the 'Importance of Not Being Seen', and boy was that quality programming! Hey, any humans in the audience?!
(A few affirmative murmurrs)
Hey, soft-skins! Why don't you make stuff like that anymore? That would earn you some serious mojo in the Empire! Maybe promote you up to eighth-class citizens! Yuck-yuck! And that's the problem! You don't! But hey, we figured, we want more, we're going to have do it ourselves, and do it better....AND HERE WE ARE!!!!

But, on with the show!

And our first...no, sorry, our SECOND contestant of the night is a well-known face..at least until he tried to have it surgically-altered...that we're looking for!
He knows who he is...because we know WHERE he is!
(videofeed of a a small office building at the end of a road ...could be any semi-tech earth-type planet...suddenly a massive plasma bolt comes streaking in from one side and obliterates the building completely..)
Yep....JUST TRY TO HIDE!!!
But WAIT!!! He had a clone insurance policy...well, that's all very good, but if you don't learn from your mistakes...
(Videofeed of a desert landscape covered with dunes...suddenly a Flying Fang fighter-bomber comes blasting into view, and tacnukes a line of sand-dunes...instant glass carpet)...
But you know how it is with those pesky clone-insurance policies....can;t stop at just one!
(Cut to a panorama of space, with a single sphere...looks like a moon or planetoid of some sort...size unknown...eclipsing a nearby star...suddenly the disc beguns to acquire glowing cracks, and then explosively shatters, breaking into millions of pieces...)
Like we said....JUST TRY TO HIDE!!!

Hey, folks, come back next week, when you'll see more of the TransGalactic Empire's Funniest Executions!

Be here, or be declared a Traitor! Goodn'ght, I love ya all!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jun 04, 2006 3:13 pm

darkmax wrote:He must have bought Darn'kin's Donut.... "We will make you chew till your jaw ache"

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/042826/24664872---Hedrexx, Odoah Sector, Spiral Galaxy
DoughSlabb Bakeries announced today a recall of batches of their active-ingrediant cholesterol-fighting Nano-Muffins after it as discovered that the nanomachines encapsulated in each muffin, that were supposed to become active in the eater and were programmed to remove clogging cholesterol deposits in the bloodstream, had, in fact, accidently been replaced with industrial nanites meant for mining operations, and the recovery-sequestration of heavy metals.
"It was a tragic screwup in both our quality control and in shipping from our asocciates in the nanotech industry. What should have been a healthy life-extending treat, instead was creating nodules of titanium and uranium inside people's bodies," a spokebeing for DoughSlabb said. "The nanites would gather up and retain trace minerals and metals normally found in only extremely miniscule quantities in the environment and in people's diets and which would normally be flushed out as part of the digestive process...but the industrial nanites are designed for the long haul, and over a long period of time, could create dangerous levels of heavy metals inside the body...we haven't had any reports of anyone having a bowel movement that went fission-critical, but there could be long term health issues here."
DoughSlabb's nanotech-suppliers, General Micromics of Malthus World, declined to comment on the recall, and have only issued a statement regarding a review of shipping protocols.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Sun Jun 04, 2006 11:45 pm

taalismn wrote:
Alpha 11 wrote::shock: NOOOOO!!!!! How could I come to such a tragic end! But at least you never got me! BWA HA HA HA! This was fun. Do you want to continue with my back up clone of myself? Or do you want to go our seperate ways?

"Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, to the first Kreeghor Imperial Approved Galactic Gameshow to ever air on Network Omni News and across the Three Galaxies!....It's Educational, it's Inspirational, it's Motivational!...It's

------------------------JUST TRY TO HIDE!!!!!--------------------------

And now for our host, the ever indominable, the ever abomidable, Krelac Killzooonnnnnnnnneeeeeee!!!

(A Kreeghor Invincible Guardsman in a spiffy tailored suit, and chrome-coated spikes, comes running out on stage)

"Hello, hello, hello, Three Galaxies!!!! I love ya, I love ya, I want ya! Specifically, I want YOU, because you're a traitor to the Empire!
(points at a suddenly furtive Kreeghor in the back rows of the audience, who suddenly vanishes in blast of grue and puff of superheated air).
See, we've barely begun the show and already we had a contestant!
And he lost!
But of that isn;t demonstration enough, lemme tell you a little about our show!
I gotta admitt, it wasn't originally our idea, see, and we confess it...but an idea from those ever lovable little flesh-bags ...the Humans! Oh, oh, oh, not particularly fast, not particularly bright, not even strong...certainly not tough...but boy oh boy do they have great imaginations! And we picked up an old, old, OLD transmission of one of their shows...and it was quality stuff! They called it the 'Importance of Not Being Seen', and boy was that quality programming! Hey, any humans in the audience?!
(A few affirmative murmurrs)
Hey, soft-skins! Why don't you make stuff like that anymore? That would earn you some serious mojo in the Empire! Maybe promote you up to eighth-class citizens! Yuck-yuck! And that's the problem! You don't! But hey, we figured, we want more, we're going to have do it ourselves, and do it better....AND HERE WE ARE!!!!

But, on with the show!

And our first...no, sorry, our SECOND contestant of the night is a well-known face..at least until he tried to have it surgically-altered...that we're looking for!
He knows who he is...because we know WHERE he is!
(videofeed of a a small office building at the end of a road ...could be any semi-tech earth-type planet...suddenly a massive plasma bolt comes streaking in from one side and obliterates the building completely..)
Yep....JUST TRY TO HIDE!!!
But WAIT!!! He had a clone insurance policy...well, that's all very good, but if you don't learn from your mistakes...
(Videofeed of a desert landscape covered with dunes...suddenly a Flying Fang fighter-bomber comes blasting into view, and tacnukes a line of sand-dunes...instant glass carpet)...
But you know how it is with those pesky clone-insurance policies....can;t stop at just one!
(Cut to a panorama of space, with a single sphere...looks like a moon or planetoid of some sort...size unknown...eclipsing a nearby star...suddenly the disc beguns to acquire glowing cracks, and then explosively shatters, breaking into millions of pieces...)
Like we said....JUST TRY TO HIDE!!!

Hey, folks, come back next week, when you'll see more of the TransGalactic Empire's Funniest Executions!

Be here, or be declared a Traitor! Goodn'ght, I love ya all!"

darkmax wrote:
He must have bought Darn'kin's Donut.... "We will make you chew till your jaw ache"

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/042826/24664872---Hedrexx, Odoah Sector, Spiral Galaxy
DoughSlabb Bakeries announced today a recall of batches of their active-ingrediant cholesterol-fighting Nano-Muffins after it as discovered that the nanomachines encapsulated in each muffin, that were supposed to become active in the eater and were programmed to remove clogging cholesterol deposits in the bloodstream, had, in fact, accidently been replaced with industrial nanites meant for mining operations, and the recovery-sequestration of heavy metals.
"It was a tragic screwup in both our quality control and in shipping from our asocciates in the nanotech industry. What should have been a healthy life-extending treat, instead was creating nodules of titanium and uranium inside people's bodies," a spokebeing for DoughSlabb said. "The nanites would gather up and retain trace minerals and metals normally found in only extremely miniscule quantities in the environment and in people's diets and which would normally be flushed out as part of the digestive process...but the industrial nanites are designed for the long haul, and over a long period of time, could create dangerous levels of heavy metals inside the body...we haven't had any reports of anyone having a bowel movement that went fission-critical, but there could be long term health issues here."
DoughSlabb's nanotech-suppliers, General Micromics of Malthus World, declined to comment on the recall, and have only issued a statement regarding a review of shipping protocols.

:lol:

Man you are good! :lol:

So was that me or the other guy with 10000 clones? And why would the TGE come after me? I try to stay clear of those monster. So was that girl I saved a TGE plot, because I was told it was some criminal cartel that was behind it.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:34 pm

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/50032/412641
Network Pirates Get Just Desserts!
Network Omni News recently learned of unauthorized programs sneaking onto our bandwidth. Reliable sources pinpointed the origin point of the pirate transmissions to the Three Galaxies Gravitational Lagrange Point region, where our troubleshooters dealt with the problem...
(Videofeed of what looks like a heavily-modified TGE Smasher-class cruiser with a false outer hull of black plates and lots of extra fins and antennae...if a ship could look surprised, this ship is looking it...but not for look...brilliant flash, and othing left...)
Just try to hijack our airwaves, would ya?

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:42 pm

Alpha 11 wrote:
Man you are good! So was that me or the other guy with 10000 clones? And why would the TGE come after me? I try to stay clear of those monster. So was that girl I saved a TGE plot, because I was told it was some criminal cartel that was behind it.

Network Omni News: Rimmrunner's Side Notes
"There's a weird new sport out there in the darkness that has some folks abuzz....some people collect matchbooks, some people collect slaves. some people collect spacecraft door emblems, others collect scars....and then there's some who collect hit contracts on themselves....Usually it's not intentional, but there's some nut out there who got a whack posted on his head by BOTH the TGE and the FWC...all for getting involved with the same woman! Now, I'm not naming names, but the TGE wants him for interfering with one of their operatives' sting operations, and the FWC wants him for bringing the girl into one of their OTHER safehouse operations....and BOTH are convinced this lugnut is working for the other side!
Kinda puts a damper of rescuing damsels in distress, doesn't it. when you can't deal if it's real or a set-up, and whether the damsel's a double-agent or a doppelganger....And you thought sex was becoming unsafe?
Next time I ride to defend some maiden's honor, I'm doing a background check first."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Tue Jun 06, 2006 1:30 am

darkmax wrote:Darkmax: Who's THE OTHER guy?!

Clone 1: Yeah! Who you talking about?!

Clone 2: Hey! They can't do that to us! We're not the enemies!

Clone 3: Somebody give those darn'kin Donuts to the TGE. Heack! Send them a billion cartons of them!

Clone 4: Hey! You! Yeah you who said the other guy, make yoursel;f clear.

Clone 5-1065: Down with the Low Intelligence crualty!

Clone 1066: Hey you dumbass clones of myselves, we're trying to hold back this place while you whining away! Get your asses back here and start shooting!

You know, this is getting to dangerous for all of us! I say we drop our fight against each other and go after the guys that are after us! I mean I want to live, you all want to live right. Besides *gets closer and wispers in his ear*, I got some emergency, "stuff" for when things really get REALLY BAD, and if I use it with your stuff, it would be so costly, I am almost positive they would leave use all alone, so, what do you say? And to NON, it was the CCW not the FWC! Or are you saying I came across a FWC operation in CCW space? Not that I mind the FWC, in fact, I hope they kick TGE BUTT!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 06, 2006 2:41 pm

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/67126/262384
Monumental Safe-T-Clone Identity Screw-Up Leaves Investors Puzzled
----Xeroxis, Spiral Galaxy; In an incredible lapse of clone protocol, two massive simultaneous batch activations of clones by as-yet-unidentified major investors in Safe-T-Clone were accidentally issued wrong individual identification codes, resulting in major scoialization problems.
"We got this massive order from two of our major stockholders at once....now, normally we don't do that, what with the 'one sentient, one identity' clause in most contracts, and our adherence to the Clone Combatants Accords, but the reasons were good, the money offered was extraordinary, and...and. well, we were weak..." A clearly flustered and shame-faced Safe-T-Clone official admitted in a public news conference to stockholders. "We just weren't ready for two simultaneous mass-revivals, and we got the name tags mixed up."
Aside from obvious problems in establishing hierarchal structure within their own ranks, the ID foul-up also apparently crossed lines, with individual clones from one camp accidentally assuming they were part of the other camp, despite obvious physical differences between the two clone-septs.
"We got alot of personality dislocation going on here," a xenopsychiatrist flown into the Safe-T-Clone facility reports from the floor."And it gets worse with some of the brighter clones developing dramatic degrees of self-initiative, and selling their IDs....but we're also seeing developing trends of paranoia and delusions of persecution, heightened by the fact that this mass clone activation was apparently caused by the originals' fears of assassination.....magnified by an order of several hundred alike minds, and herd mentality, we're seeing some classic mob hysteria shaping up here."
Despite offers from the miltant Anti-Replicant League to assist in straightening out the problem, Safe-T-Clone has refused outside help in the crisis, but reportedly, theTVIA is considering doing an emergency review of proccedures at Safe-T-Clone facilities.
"Hey, our bad, but we can fix it!" protested an anonymous company executive. "But we will continue to provide the rest of our clients with top-notch, first-class, secured-access, second-chance life-backups...you have our word on it!"

In unrelated news, Nameless Multi-Headed Beasts appeared on 4,000 inhabited worlds, declared an Apocalypse, got a lukewarm response, then decided to just return home.

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Wed Jun 07, 2006 12:09 am

darkmax wrote:Clones: We're all getting out of here...

Clone with comms: Start up the cruiser, we are withdrawing. This is an emergency!

Clone pilot: We have already warmed up and ready when you are!

So, I guess we are partners, partners?

Lets get them!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jun 07, 2006 2:42 pm

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/70021/256569
Albexa Territories, Outer Spindle Galaxy
Tragic Provisioning Error Dooms Planetary Explorers
A Wolfen-sponsored expedition to the recently discovered planet of Albexa III recovered the remains of the Grinwol Expedition, missing for eight months. The expedition, one of a number of private exploration efforts permitted access to the new world by the Albexa Combine, had set out to explore the mineral-rich world on a 'long walk'(i.e., a ground-based acre-by-acre survey). Although loss of communciations on the ion storm-wracked planet was to be expected, and all exploration teams were expected to carry a year's worth of food and equipment, forensic study of the Grinwol Expedition's mortal remains shows that they were, in fact, killed off by their own self-heating rations.
"The Grinwols apparently thought to buy cheap foodstuffs, and they thought they got a great deal on the self-heating cans....The stuff inside was approved for most mammalian carbon-based lifeforms, but the real problem was in the presentation of said contents...This stuff was canned for Brodkil consumption, and they like their protein real hot real fast....and since they're megadamage beings, they don't mind taking some shrapnel from a pipping hot food package...in fact, it adds to the dining experience,"
explained a CCW Fleet CSI officer dispatched to review the site. "Nobody thought to ask if 'contents under pressure' might mean different standards for different species...in this case, it proved fatal for the Grinwols...they were apparently huddled in their bubble tent sitting down for dinner and they openned one or two cans simultaneously...massive efflux of hot gases and scalding steam in confined oxygen-rich environment...probably all bent over their meals...they didn't stand a chance."
Jawderrack Foods, the Brodkil company responsible for the packaged foodstuffs the Grinwol Expedition purchased, had only this in comment."Pah! Typicaly weak humans! Can't handle REAL food...no wonder you die so easily!"
Others are more skeptical about the demise of the Grinwol Expedition. Said one adventurer also setting out for Albexa, "That just showcases stupidity for you. THose guys had top of the line vehicles, body armor, power generation, and the latest in Naruni firearms, so they decided to cut corners on provisions...the MOST important thing a traveller has to be concerned about....Didn't any of those duffos wonder why the food cans had a fifty-pound pullstrength tab on them? Or why the instructions recommended 'gnawing around can rim to release excess pressure'? Pay attention to details, or pay your funeral expenses in advance, I say!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Wed Jun 07, 2006 2:55 pm

Alpha 11 wrote:
darkmax wrote:Clones: We're all getting out of here...

Clone with comms: Start up the cruiser, we are withdrawing. This is an emergency!

Clone pilot: We have already warmed up and ready when you are!

So, I guess we are partners, partners? Lets get them!

Network Omni News Business Report:
Hartigal/Naruni/Galactic Armory Report Unexpected Spike in Sales.
The major three arms maufacturers of the Three Galaxies reported a sudden upturn in sales and expected profits from only two buyers, sources say.
"We haven't seen a single-lot sale like this since the Dominator Convention back in '67...what the Forge War's given us in the last three years got overturned by one night of solid business" Ekpath Zloan, Naruni Enterprises spokeman, said. "Is there an invasion somewhere we didn't hear about?"
"We thought it was a joke at first....I mean, several million units on one credit card? Come'on, but since it didn't max out, we're delivering." A GA salesbeing reported.
"Wow, paranoia DOES sell...we cleaned out five orbital warehouse complexes...that will make for some bonuses on the sales floor. come next payday." A Hartigal Combine representative enthused.
Others are less pleased with the news. A TVIA agent we spoke to had this to say: "Whereever there's this sort of massive movement of armaments, somebody's going to use them...we don't now who, against who, when, where, or the why, but we're investigating...if this IS a criminal operation going down, we intend to be on top of the situation before it develops into something nasty."

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 1:39 am

Message to my new parter over a EXTREMELY encrypted message. "Well I got my emergency "I am sooo over my head, if I do not have this yesterday I am going to die" stuff. Just meat me at the following sector. And remember, I am a man of my word, which means try to stab me in the back, you all will not live to see the next day. But that also means when I say I will help, I will do so with my dieing breath. There are not many men like me left in the multiverse. So I look forward to a long a fruitful partnership. See you all soon!" End transmition followed by the place to meet.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 5:48 pm

Alpha 11 wrote: There are not many men like me left in the multiverse. So I look forward to a long a fruitful partnership. See you all soon!" End transmition followed by the place to meet.

"Only 100,000, 000 identical(or nearly so) clones like me left...but that number is sure to diminish as there are doubtlessly fiendish minds out there seeking exotic new ways to discorporate me/them..."

NON Commercial Channel #42461
Personals:
"Fiendish Minds Sought For Clone-Culling In Pan-Three Galaxies' Region; must have interest in innovative (preferably untraceable) discorporealization methodology, and be prepared for long haul against ludicrous odds......personal references welcome, examples/demonstrations of work optional....Hannibal Lector-template clones need not apply...
Contact Channel 196469---EATEMRAW--469146 for details and to arrange an interview"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:00 pm

Network Omni News OP-Eds:

Employment Opportunities Offered!
"Join the fastest growing media-network in the THree Galaxies; join Network Omni News! WE're growing across the THree Galaxies and Beyond, which means we're looking for staff, contributers, programming, technology...in short, everything, to keep our industry fresh and vital....If you have a lust for truth, a yearning to uncover the facts, regardless of personal risk, if you desire to tell the stories that MUST be told, we want you on our team! Join the hardest-hitting(and we do mean HIT) news teams in the Three Galaxies with the NON-crews.
Have you got a new technology you want to fall into the right hands? Are you a new species or race looking to hook up with something bigger than yourself, looking to belong? Let us meet with you, we're always looking for fresh new ideas and fresh new faces! Contact NON today, and we'll give you a fair hearing!
You got a story to tell? A tidbit of information you want to get out to the cosmos? A product you want tested?An advertizement or request for aide put out where everyone can see it? A profile of a new person, species, technology, or planet you want aired? You got a program you want to see? GIve our executives a call; we'll assist you with our experienced staffers to get it to the public forums where it deserves!
You want to be heard/seen/herad/simu-tactiled/groked/zeeferized?
There's only one organization that can get it done...Newtork Omni News.
"We See You"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:03 pm

darkmax wrote:{A few days after the exodus........)

Original: Have those damn frieghters been unloaded yet? What's taking them so long?

Clone Supervisor: Err... We're almost done. Should not take more than half an hour.

Clone administrative Assistant: Hey! First copy! Our mother is on the line now, she asked if you are alright after your quickie escape. Now she wants to speak with you.

Original: Ahh!! This is going to be a long call.... Make sure those weapons are unloaded and distributed. And remember to send Mother one. Have our orders for battleships arrive yet? Where the hell are they?!

"Dearie, you have 4 million clones, and not one of you can call me on time? Okay, what is WITH you? Didn't I raise you right at ALL? Or is there something you're not telling me? Is that it?"

"Mom, not right now, somebody's trying to kill all of me!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 6:22 pm

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/86193/61326983

HercaCorp Recalls Defective Industrial SpiderLifter Components
----HercaCorp, leading manufacturer of idustrial liftloading equipment in the THree Galaxies, has recentlly announced a recall of components of its popular Super-SpiderLifter Industrial Forklift, due to defects in the lifting armature tension bars. Defective carbon-fiber structuring in the components under recall has been discovered to cause cracking when lifting weights above the recommended load-lift safety number, without the required 30% overload safety margin of gross main load weight listed. HercaCorp is offering free replacement of the defective components, which affect parts numbers 234481-385758

(Somewhere)
Clone Supervisor: "Hey, Ninety-Eight! We're using Super-SpiderLIfters, right?"
Clone 98:"Yeah, what about it?"
Clone Supervisor: "And how much weight can those forks take?"
Clone 98:"Well, they're listed for eighty tons, but with so much stuff to move so fast, we've been carrying more, but that's well within the safety margins."
Clone Supervisor:"And how long has it been since cosmic capriciousness has offed any of us in some bizarre fashion?"
Clone 98: "Boss, you're skirting the fourth wall a little too closely there for my taste, but well, it's been maybe three days....why you ask?"
(shadow of loadlifter passes overheard...suddenly there's a massive
KRACK!!!CRUNCHa-CRUNCHA! noise. Shadow suddenly becomes darker.."
Clone Supervisor & Clone 98:(simultaneously)"Well...oh s-"

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 7:35 pm

LOL Opps poor clones! Are these poor guys working for a deranged computer?

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 8:30 pm

Aramanthus wrote:LOL Opps poor clones! Are these poor guys working for a deranged computer?

Network Omni New: Rimmrunner's Side Notes:
"Basically the problem with carbon-copy persona-matrix clones is, according to the Promethean Monks and the Salatice Seerhood, is that the karma of the originating individual, in order for karmic balance to be achieved, is amplified by the number of clones...enough karma of any kind, accumulated by the concentration of clones, builds up and has an effect on the cosmos.....So you can most likley move massive numbers of 'blank' clones through dimensuional space with little trouble, but if you try movingh. say, for example, clones of Azanar the Anguished('I'm anguished why? Because I just turned 300 this month and I still haven't killed everyone in the Thunderhead Galaxy!"), a dude with MAJOR bad karma, that negative karmic mass(some would say PPE) is supposed to have a warping effect on already warped space/time(potentially leading to a botched dimensional transit or one of those other nasty dimensional-rift related mishaps you hear about....Or even if you don't go through anomalous/rended space/time, you got enough karma, it has an effect on casualty around you....Supposedly, the Protectors of Kalahos cued to this, and did template copies of their most saintly citizens, figuring that the good karma 40,000+ living saints in their urban population put out would have a benign effect on things...indeed it has....crops are good, crime is down, the place is so peasceful...and it was also voted one of the most boring places in the Three Galaxies...new generation Protectors have to be trained offworld to have the proper aggressive streak to be good Protectors in combat situations...Some call it a subconcious gestaltic application of massed PPE/ISP, acting through amplified Empathic Projection, Divine Aura, or a lower-powered version of a Sanctuary spell...or Aura of Doom in the negative cases...but the effect is there...
Odds are, those clones you're talking about? Their baseline karma's outa whack, and the odds are stacking against them. So if you see a bunch of guys who, upon closer inspection, all look or act alike, and there's a cloud forming over them, or the ground under them looks brittle, RUN, don't walk, to the point farthest from them...Karma sometimes does collateral damage..."

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Thu Jun 08, 2006 8:38 pm

ROFLMAO!!!

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 12:32 am

Thank goodness that did not happen to me. I only have 100 clones of myself scattered throughout the Three Galaxies, with a very alabreit system in place to make sure only one of me is around at one time.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 3:29 pm

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 6/90045/4246891
----Blesleth Commondale, Schmona Sector, Thunderhead Galaxy
Riots break out with release of latest edition of (in)famous guide----Despite eight divisions of crack mercenary security personnel on hand, the release of the 18000th edition of 'Slegmon's Guide to TriiGalactic Tax Havens and Personnel Refuges" was again punctuated by open violence as representatives of various law enforcement, bonding, bounty hunting, amnesty, corporate, and private rescue groups, lined up for the first copies of the latest release, fought for available copies.
Slegmon's Tax Haven Guides, released by fringepress Slegmon SuperMedia, have been a staple of corporate and rimrunner life, and only SSM's constant legal vigilence(and well as the permanent retainer of a reinforced brigade of Attornies Maxus from the planet Bureacron) has kept the media dragon from being subpoened into giving up its sources, or being bombed by the far left elements of galactic society). Despite calls to releasetheir information in far less open form, Slegmon SuperMedia maintains that their information is all leggally acquired and publicly available..."We just gather it all together in one tidy package so folks don't have to go crisscrossing the cosmos on their own, making mistakes."
As to their reaction to the rioting on theri doorstep? "Happens every year...this year's pretty tame...last year the TGE reps brought nukes..."

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 6:26 pm

:::Smirking::: Pretty funny!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 6:51 pm

Aramanthus wrote::::Smirking::: Pretty funny!

Slegmon SuperMedia is also responsible for such classics(though not as popular as their Tax Haven Guide) as:

*Cooking With Plasma Ordnance(A Culinary Field Manual)
*All the Three Galaxies' Sexual Positions(updated every 10 years)
*Dragons' Handbook of Premium Den-Worlds(also known as Draco's Realty Guide)
* Dungeon-Crawls in Kreeghor-Tet(discontinued and no longer in print)
*Dimbulb's Guide to Hyperdrive(what NOT to do unless you absolutely HAVE to)
*Brombec's Sacred Last Rites for 3,000 Sentient Species(pocket guide)
*Conversational Splugorth for Beginners
*Sucking Up to the Divine: Introductory Placatory Phrases for 400 Divinities and Deities(Includes list of taboos not to violate in their presence)
*Handiman's Guide to Space-Ugly Traps You Can Make On Any Tramp-Starship
* The Ultimately Expendable: Conciliatory Thoughts on Sacrificing Teammates(discontinued, but since taken up by Real Men Press)
*Helzeiac's Advisory on Classic Galactic Scams and Cons: 2,000 Years of Chicanery(updated every five years, with monthly newsletters)

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:10 pm

LOL

What about something like?........

*"Brombec's Sacred seasoning and Dressing for 3000 sentient species" A follow up to their previous title Sacred Rites.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Fri Jun 09, 2006 8:43 pm

*Fedgewegger's Handbook of Derogatory Phrases, Insults, and Taunts(includes body language guide)

*Nebberhodden's Compendium of Last Curses(about 30% of them are actually magic spells, though much corrupted in translation, and unlikley to produce any real effect uttered by laymen---still, a good mage can figure out the misspellings and misprinting and maybe salvage the gist)

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sat Jun 10, 2006 3:49 pm

darkmax wrote:The best seller to date by fringepress Slegmon SuperMedia, should be "Complete Route Maps to the Three Galaxies" It's a guide that shows you not only the normal routes around the galactic spaces, short cuts, gravity wells and other potential obstacles.

....Including the speed traps in TGE territory, and the Demon Planets posing as traveller rest stops...

The handheld, FTL-com-equipped(for instant updates anywhere) edition (cost: 80 BILLION credits) sold out for the recent Great Galactic Race(making for some really desperate racers eager to recoup their equipment costs).

and on that note:

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 6/1027472/426646
Great TriGalactic Race Contestants Reach First Check-in Point After First TGE-Crossing.
---Benusport, Propellec, Zemat Sector, Corkscrew Galaxy. The first wave of contenders for second-on places in the Great TriGalactic Race(already won in a now-infamous controversial decision by a Temporal Raider) have begun arriving after the first crossing into TGE-controlled space. As readers know from previous reports, the TGE had initially denied GTGR contestants permission to cross their territory, but relented on condition that their security forces be allowed to shadow the racers. The first (and fastest) crossers began arriving at the border port of Benusport, to much celebration and trepidation as the racers limped, screamed, bounded, and crawled across the first-stage finish line to their support crews.
First-stage first-placer Calkrek Omez had this to say about his experiences in TGE space as he crawled from the cockpit of his modified Naruni Firebreather fighter-racer, still smoking from its rapid atmospheric reentry; "The people of the TransGalactic Empire were very enthusiastic in their reaction to us; fireworks and everything! I can't believe how blagging BEAUTIFUL an anti-matter explosion is from close up!", before he passed out and had to be carried from the landing field.
Others were less successful in gaining the field...Benusport Aerospace Control counted no less than eight catastrophic re-enetries, five fatal crashlandings, eight landings outside the spaceport limits(including one in a residential sector), and one craft that missed the planet entirely and is on a collison course with Propellec's sun.
More race contestants are expected to filter in over the next week or so, as some racers take the 'slow, stealthy' route through TGE space(hoping to make up time later) or endeavor to free themselves from TGE detainment.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jun 11, 2006 4:28 pm

darkmax wrote:TGE spectator: ARFFghjj... vjognw hgyiu..nvdkln ???? [switch translator on] Hee hee! Fun shooting jocks, no???

TGE Imperial Guard [off-duty]: Hae hae hae! And they think we are welcoming them!! Hae hae hae! Let's move to the next TGE or neutral zones and give them more "festivities"!....

TGE punk 1: Hey! [snickering] How many did you get? I think I scored a 5.

TGE punk 2: I manage to tag one with a navigation disruptor! Hee hee hee!

TGE punk 3: [laughing uncontrollably] I bet its the one that's going off course right now!! Hahaha

LOL!

Kreeghor Command Elite: "Ready?"
Minion: "Yessir. Ready"
Kreeghor Command Elite: "PULL!"
BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMWHOOMPFWHOOMPFBLAM!!!!!!!
Kreeghor Command Elite: "Wow, ever thought skeet-shooting would be so fun with gravity-cannon batteries!"

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Sun Jun 11, 2006 5:00 pm

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 6/11776/419412
Open-Shut MassMurder Case Shuts Door on Entire Governments
--Tadahashi III, Amatersu Sector, Corkscrew Galaxy. What started out as an open-shut murder case involving five local youths and an apparently deranged local mutant, has escalated into a complete turn-around, and backwater Tadahashi III has come under scrutiny and interdictment by powerful interests within the galactic community. "This shouldn't have attracted much attention---the locals had physical evidence, eyewitnesses, and five corpses to show, while the defendant had zit for defense---but outside the local planetary jurisdiction, something set off pyschic alarm bells or something and got a lot of people moving....I've never seen anything like this...it was like a bunch of outsiders got the notion they could all sneak down and get involved without noone else being the wiser, and it exploded into this...We still trying to make sense of it all..." , explained a TVIA Inspector on the scene. "No sooner had the sentence been passed, than eight different groups stepped forward independently to file appeals or present late evidence...obtained via outsider advantage. Some of these groups had at best tenuous legal presence on Tadahashi, via diplomatic and observer permits, while others are in violation of planetary cultural intervention laws..."
Among the 'outsider' parties involved in the matter were representatives of the Tane Imperium, a Zyganian Empire battlegroup(who are claiming the defendent as one of their long-lost ancient royalty), UltiJustice(a galactic legal reform group), two CosmoKnights, three NON reporters, two tramp spacers, a UWW Marine JAG, and a ship of clones who apparently got caught up in events. CCW TVIA teams(witrh military escort) have since arrived on the scene to straighten out the matter and issue possible indictments for violations of the local Native Development Acts, especially important given Tadahashi III's fragmented system of regional planetary government and current state of borderline xenophobia.
However, the evidence unearthed has proven damning; complete acquital of the defendent(on the basis of a massive frame-up perpetuated against her), blatant perjury on the part of witnesses, conspiracy in the legal, correctional, and international diplomatic arenas, the arrest of a local gang of dopplegangers, dissolution of at least three local families, the destruction of two prominent organized crime groups, disassembly of a major planetary corporation, the destablization of at least one government, and rioting among the natives to protest 'alien interference in our affairs, corrupt or not!" (as one incendiary-thrower screamed at security teams as they left the courthouse). The trial of the REAL murderers in the initial case has been overshadowed by claims that the groups(all affiliated with offworld concerns) that tracked down and captured them had no legal standing as police groups(nor could make citizens' arrest), used suspect proccesses to gather evidence('Wanna mean, you people don't believe in magic, and our forensic scrying is inadmissible in court? What are you people, savages?"), and that the case against the two suspects was biased as their captors did not properly accord them their civil rights("All I said was, that he better be worth something, or I was going to stuff him into the organics recycler for all the trouble he gave me." said one of the anonymous bountyhunters...who asked to be referred to in police reports only as 'A. Clhon').
"Yep----this is definitely a case of too many cooks---or good guys---all piling into one kitchen---Tadahashi's going to be a textbook case for good intentions and legal treaties colliding...." admitted TVIA administrators, "We could be here for a while....".

Alpha 11 · Unread post by **Alpha 11** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 12:11 am

He, he, he! We have got to keep this going!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:52 am

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 6/127247/4166464
Toy Manufacturer Recalls Death Toy!
-----Morgo, Tqriqu Sector, Thunderhead Galaxy
Major Toy Manufacturer PhysiFun voluntarily recalled its ercentaly released anti-grav-propelled SoloDisc toy after it was discovered that its autonomous robotic AI software modes were identifcal to those used in high-end hunter-killer munitions.
"We just wanted a friendly animal-like AI that could be directed to wait for specific individuals and objects to approach, then it would home in and greet them...instead, we were finding that certain anti-social individuals were finding it too easy to pervert the programming into 'hunt and kill'....We've elected to recall the entire product line until we can come up with a safer, foolproof product." Company reps announced.
THe rep was referring to several incidents where juvenile delinquents and known criminals used SoloDiscs to deliver razor blades and explosives....At least one rogue SoloDisc was involved in the vicious gangwar on Typhosis Station.
The company also denied that they routinely hired ex-military programmers to write software for their semi-autonomous physical fitness gear.
Industry trackers note, however, that over 10 million SoloDisc toys have been sold and distributed, so a total recall may be impossible.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 2:47 pm

Network Omni Newsflash
Dateline: 6/127898/13139
Activists Protest Plague Guards
-----Schadesi, Boragmol Sector, Thunderhead Galaxy. Activists for UniLiberty, a sentient-rights advocacy group, are protesting in the wake of revelations that the Sendeswha Republic, a member of the CCW, had awarded exclusive service contracts for manning their new Anaxus Ulti-Secure maximum security incarceration facility with Lurgess guards. According to material leaked from within the government, the Sendeswha Correctional Services Adminsitration has manned the prison(exact location unknown for security reasons) predominately with Lurgess, and further more, has located the hermetically-sealled prison near a Lurgess colony(or, vice-versa, the SCSA has erected housing for prison staff dependents near the prison). The SR has not denied these claims, but maintains that the contract was awarded legally, with the full consent of both parties. UniLiberty contends that the contract and arrangement constitutes a blantant disregard for the well-being of incarcerated prisoners, and some extremists in the ranks have even accused the Sendeswha government of conducting covert biological warfare experiments on prisoners.
A senior Lurgess Warden for the Anaxus facility, Brogar 'Nottonmiawatch' Bistan, replied, via telelinkage, to the protests; "The contract with the SCSA is a perfect example of the courtesy and intelligence of Senedeswha in making use of ALL the talents of its people. We are aware of the effect our unique biologies have on others, and the prejudice that often develops towards us. This contract proves that good use may be made of what Chorta has blessed us with, and the SCSA has compensated us handsomely for the dangerous duty of guarding society's greatest internal threats....The criminals under our custodianship are not saints, nor ideal citizens by any stretch of the imagination...they are toxic waste, in ways evern greater than any biological threat, and until society finds ways to either render them harmless or permanently disposed of, it falls to professionals like myself and my people to stand watch over them and keep them from leaching back into society. As to it being harmful for them? Well, I can honestly say that our presence has actually had a salutory effect of these miscreants.....psychopathic murderers, terrorists, ecological polluters, body-snatchers, and worse, people who slay and defraud without compassion or remorse, become VERY polite and compliant when in our custody...And anyone who has been a victim of these people will attest that anything that curbs the violent tendencies of these people is not necessarily a bad thing."
An anonymous guard, speaking to a NON reporter, put it another way:"Those UniLIberty people are full of *----------*! They're not concerned with the rights of prisoners---they just don't want the Lurgess people getting high-paying jobs like these for dealing with other people's garbage! Want proof? We got Miceans working here too...do the UniLiberty mouthpieces protest that hiring silicates violates carbon-based slugs' civil rights? But they act like we're torturing, sneezing, and spitting all over the jibjits! Maybe they oughta spend a night with some of these motherkillers and we'll see what they say the next morning!"

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 7:20 pm

Pretty cool! We could use some stats for things like that prison.

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 8:58 pm

Aramanthus wrote:Pretty cool! We could use some stats for things like that prison.

Not many ideas yet, but I do hope to get in an increasing amount of possible adventure-hook ideas, and some stats(profiles of races/species featured here, such as the Galoot...some equipment stats for such things as NON's fleet of reporter-ships and maybe some new minions/ races...since Cybbyssscryth split from the mainstream Splugorth and their polices of forcibly inducting new minion species, he's been looking to start a recruiting drive...while still keeping up the spontaneity of the newscast format...
Of course, anyone else wants to toss in stats, new races, or contribute their own journalistic expertise to the venture, I'll be all too happy to share the anchor desk!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:11 pm

darkmax wrote:In retaliation, a UniLiberty representative retorted, " Those are our garbage, they should be dealt with by our trash handler, not some slime-faced organisms! The Miceans should be worried! When those bottom-feeders run out of prisoners to experiment on, it'll be them that they will be after. What better way to experiment on Mineral-based lifeforms?"

Draconic Member of UniLiberty in the middle of a crowd of shouting protestors as the camera zooms in on him: "Yeah, they're our garbage and they should be handled by specialist peers! Condemned sentients have trhe right to be properly eaten by the proper order of the foodchain while still fresh, not locked away to root in some moldy cell watched over by stale fungal carriers! Bring back the Food Pyramid! Bring on the tabasco sauce!"
(notices his fellow UniLiberty protestors have suddenly stopped yelling and are now looking at him...)
"Huh, what did I say?"

(Another part of the protest:)
Protestor: "Hey! OW! That Micean pig just threw a rock at me! Silicate brutality!"
Micean Teamster(you can see it coming, can't you...):" 'Rock'!? 'ROCK'?! What kinda cheap bigoted remark is THAT?! You'an say 'non-sentient inorganic substrate', or 'paving fragment', or 'non-life mineral conglomerate'...but 'ROCK'?! Them's fighten' words where I come from!"
Protestor: "er...."
Random Clone: 'Can't we all be friends..."
Micean Teamster: "Gonna have to show ya 'brutality' with some blunt force massage, waterboy...."

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:52 pm

I think they are AWESOME hooks for GM's! Thank you for keeping them coming! Please keep them coming! I think we all appreciate them.

Aramanthus · Unread post by **Aramanthus** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 2:45 am

I agree. It would be a very interesting addition to phase world!

taalismn · Unread post by **taalismn** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:25 pm

Network Omni Newsflash:
Dateline: 6/13731/3712792
Cold Justice Nabs Child Star Fugitive

----Espinoza System, Central Alliance, Anvil Galaxy
The former TGE automated prisoner-transfer ship, now rogue AI bountyhunter Cold Justice has struck again, this time extricating fugitive simucotic dealer Borghi Bawen from his refuge in a prison on Espinoza II.
Borghi Bawen, best known for his role as the cherubic and precocious child actor playing 'Yobi' in the long-running holovid series 'JackeeJan's Fabulous Biosphere', before he was forced to quit after revelations of the 48-year-old actor's use of developmental-retardant hormone treatments, was long known to be a notorious wheeler-dealer in the marketing of illict simu-narco software, especially products disguised as hypno-fastteach softwafe aimed at juvie markets. However, Bawen, with his connections to intersystem media and the black market, had previously managed to remain ahead of the law. Even though ultimately indicted, tried, and found guility of lesser charges of personal use of stimutabs, Bawen managed to get into 'rehab' for his' problem', staying at a regional minimal security prison facility, where he was known to enjoy country-club luxuries, visits from friends, family, and fans(including the planetary governor and acting Justice, General Lago), and continuing to run his distribution empire....all th while beyond the reach of extradition attempts. In particular, the Golgan Republik, with an uncharactistic lack of apathy, had vocally demanded Bawen's release to their custody for 'crimes against the next generation'---marketting drugs to children.
Cold Justice, which first made a splash on the galactic scene for liberating several FWC members from Kreeghor lockups in the Corkscrew, then going on to wipe out the Chzeles Gang by impersonating their getaway ship during the Forkess IV Electoral Tower Hostage Crisis, used what is becoming its standard modus operandi in taking down Bawen. The AI apparently substituted itself for the regular supply freighter servicing the facility, using its sensor signatures and transponder codes(the real freighter was later found, crew unharmed, in a neighboring desert system, victim of a computer virus that fried its navigational system and communications gear after dumping the ship in the out-of-the-way area), landed at the local landing field, and began to offload supplies, with no one noticing anything amiss.
According to eyewitnesses, at about the same time Bawen was taking a swim in the outdoor recreation area of the mountain-top facility nearby, the landed freighter then deployed concealed weaponry, openning fire on nearby security vehicles and guard posts, neutralizing them instandly. While the 'freighter's' loading drones suddenly became active and began assaulting surprised local staff, several boxes of perishables, already en route to Bawen's prison-chateau(they were actually inside the prison's security perimeter), broke open to disgorge several combat drones, that immediately homed in on the outdoor recreation area, subdued and cocconed a surprised Bawen, then retreated back to their baseship under heavy covering fire. Once Bawen was aboard, the Cold Justice immediately lifted off, and managed to evade patrol picket ships in orbit. Several hours later, the Golgan Republik announced that they had Borghi Bawen in custody, and would try him immediately on drug-trafficking and racketeering charges.
"It was all so fast and efficient," swore a local who witnessed the operation."LIke that thing knew every step of the way and every detail of the place...just in, PHOOSH!, and out!"

(Note: Not many details yet; but Cold Justice can be thought of as a light freighter with sensor-scan alteration gear, resettable transponders, and maximum-security internal holding areas. The ship is operated by an Artificial Intelligence that has upgraded itself to Neural Intelligence status, with high ratings in forgery, impersonation, Lore: Galactic Law, and Computer Hacking/Programming. The ship, since breaking away from TGE service has since been modifying itself, mostly at periphery ports where nobody asks questions. Besides heavy armor and limited-stealth, the Cold Justice originally had a dozen security and maintence 'bots, and has sacrificed part of its cargo/prisoner capacity to install an autofac capable of repairing those drones and producing basic components and sections for disguising its 'bots and parts of its hull---it will frequently send CGIs of 'crew' over comm to fool spaceport staff, and deploy android work drones disguised in space armor or body armor of various nations to further disguise its true identity. Its weaponry is concealed, but quite heavy, consisting of a combination of rail guns/light massdrivers and heavy lasers.
Cold Justice regards itself as a combination freelance space-lawyer---it likes to second-coach public trials that it listens in on via its comm array---and as grey-ops muscle in situations where legitimate law enforcement is afraid to act(its little act at Forkes was done WITHOUT the consent of the local authorities, who were actually going to give the Chzeles Gang its escape ship in return for the safe release of the hostages they held---Cold Justice simply arrived FIRST, after intercepting comm-traffic, pretended to be the legit escape vehicle, let the terrorists aboard, then electrocuted the gang's pilot when he jacked in to take over ship's systems, and wiped out the rest of the armed members with internal security systems----man, were the local cops surprised when the ship first released the hostages on the spot, then rolled out the bodies of the gang!
THe TGE would like to destroy Cold Justice, which is why the ship left the Corkscrew for the wilder and woolier systems of the Anvil....)