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When I get my old Critical Fumble Tables out of the crate, I'll post them, feel free to use all of mine you want when i post them.

I dont know if you guys already said this, but I like to do these a few times. Being a soldier in the real military, all of these seem to happen quiet a bit, and I always chuckle at myself "critically failing".

-Helmet Twists/or Tilts over eyes
-Enemy for some reason draws attention and attacks towards you now
-Your sling/clip/sheath snags on something when you bring your weapon to bear
- Your target reticle/scope is out of whack (turned off, sights flipped down, or adjusted wrong)
-Your focus on the enemy causes you to eat your own rifle when you bring it to bear
- Your fire your weapon in the wrong mode (safety on, full auto, burst, grenade launcher)
-You forget which magazine was already spent, next magazine coud be empty
-You put your critical piece of equipment somewhere stupid (in your back pocket, in your rations pouch, wherever (it takes 1D4 attack to do a "pat down" to find your whatever)
-Sweat/Eyelash/dirt is jostled into your eye. Lose initiative and -4 to strike(Guess what you have so much gear on you have to take it all off just to wipe your eye! and put it back on)

For initiative rolls you can do this one.

You were walking and paying attention to immediate terrain, you were looking down when the combat starts. All you can do is a wild shot (no dodge, no parry, no anything except a wild shot)

These are all things that I have found really happens in combat and on patrols. Hopes this can help

What is true funny about your post is that almost every one of those things has happened to either myself or someone I know in a hot LZ.

-Helmet Twists/or Tilts over eyes (or chip strip come un hooked)
-Enemy for some reason draws attention and attacks towards you now (Thank god most third world use the “Glock Forty style” of shot I have coined as emptying your clip into everything around while shooting blind.
-Your sling/clip/sheath snags on something when you bring your weapon to bear (per give away of location and kills that element of surprise)
- Your target reticle/scope is out of whack (turned off, sights flipped down, or adjusted wrong)( or my favorite forgot to turn off and now has a dead battery, sweet)
-Your focus on the enemy causes you to eat your own rifle when you bring it to bear (But stroke to the head welcome to being Jimmy Wlaker)
- Your fire your weapon in the wrong mode (safety on, full auto, burst, grenade launcher)( Only seems to happen to 203 Gunner)
-You forget which magazine was already spent, next magazine could be empty (or better yet you think it has a feed jam and do SPORTS twice)
-You put your critical piece of equipment somewhere stupid (in your back pocket, in your rations pouch, wherever (it takes 1D4 attack to do a "pat down" to find your whatever) (Cargo pocket of holding)
-Sweat/Eyelash/dirt is jostled into your eye. Lose initiative and -4 to strike(Guess what you have so much gear on you have to take it all off just to wipe your eye! and put it back on) (Only happens while wear a gas mask in a possible contaminated area)

Gee thanks I haven laughed so hard at myself in years.

As for my crit charts it depends on how mean the party is and what their tastes are. I have used the crits from the back of the RECON book, the ICE Charts (true hateful), good hits bad miss, downloaded one too many to name and me own person made up off the hilt by roll of a 6 and percentile dice the big the number the worst the get.

The last % number I saw in this thread was 93%, so here is 94% --OR WHATEVER, adjusted accordingly...

93%: character's weapon intersects quantum particles from a GASEOUS ANOMALY in an alternate (and unknown) universe; weapon reacts with these particles, in an astounding perpendicular course with character's own universe, resulting in an explosive fusion of at least 3d6 ALTERNATE REALITIES. However many alternate realities are rolled for this outcome, THAT MANY *duplicates* of the character (and anyone within that many feet) MATERIALIZE randomly within 1d4x100 feet of fumbling character. All effects of characters weapon are NULLIFIED, save 2d4 damage to that character, AND THE DESTRUCTION OF HIS/HER/ITS WEAPON... However, at least ONE (possibly more) duplicate versions of this character will have an exact version of this weapon, which may or may not be retrieved before the eclectic resolution of this encounter.

Artistic license is given to the GM as to the demeanor and capbabilities of other versions of fumbling character. No matter what, at the end of 3d6 rounds, all other versions of fumbling character vanish, leaving no trace they were ever there, except for any physical/emotional/spiritual damage they might have done. Also, 2d4 of them might have left possessions behind, including the destroyed weapon that caused this FREAKISH FUMBLE to begin with.

Further, if the situation is that dire, the fumbling character MAY hold onto a vanishing version of him/her/it-self to enter that version's universe.

94%: A tiny insect whizzes in front of your eye in mid swing/shot making you lose your attack, you must also roll to dodge what you believe is Giant Xyticix flanking you.

95%: You are suddenly overwhelmed with a bad case of the heebie jeebies and general ickyness. Lose 2 attacks are are -4 to strikeparry/dodge for the remainder of the melee

Personally, if a player rolls a natural 1, I have them re-roll.

Depending on the situation

1-5 makes a critical error. I dont really compile lists, but usually something happens like you fall down, lose the next melle getting up, -10 to parry and dodge next round. Natural 1's on the second roll have a loss of "X" effect. You either strike yourself, walk into Mr. Antagonist's oncoming sword attack (you're gonna' need a new arm, buddy), etc.

6-10 makes an error, but what it is depends on the situation.

11-20 equals a miss. The exception is if the character is striking/firing at an opponent with an ally next to him. Anywhere from a 2-15 will usually result in striking the ally.

These are my overall guidelines, but I never found the use in a list, because it depends so much on the situation and my mood at the time. Gun and sword natural 1's are very different, wide open spaces v. crowded enviroment, etc. If I'm feeling generous, it might be as simple as "you miss by a mile, the villians howl with laughter at your incompatince"), if not, well, the PC's can expect anything from getting knocked out, captured, near death experiences, or, death (usually only if I feel it was a situation they should have stayed out of or was foolish/extemely dangerous to get into) to a wide array of less serious errors (depends on roll).

A full compiled list I took the liberty of filling in the last few numbers.

100 ways to roll a natural 1
01%:You get a leg cramp. You drop your weapons and fall to the gound in pain lose 2 actions
02%:Your weapon over loads, explodes, crippling that hand, requireing 1D4 months to be useable again.
03%:Your blade falls off the hilt, might want to think about punching and kicking this fight. you current attack completely misses.
04%:Joint lock, players joint (any location where 2 or more bones meet) locks in place and needs a painfull snap back in place to work proberly, 1 point damage, limb usless untill fixed, loose actions nessacary.
05%Sneeze! one of those random uncontrolable reactions to who knows what. loose current action and minus to dodge or parry opponates next action.
06%:The D-Bee water parasites that have been incubating in the lining of your urethra for the past two weeks suddenly hatch. Immediately lose all actions and become helpless due to blinding pain for the next 2d6 minutes as the newborns make their way to freedom.(Ha Ha I love that one)
07%:its a clear day out side you pull you gun up to fire and you are stuck by lightning. (if player ask questions stike him again), (contiue until he stops or character is dead)
08%:Throw your weapon over or past your opponent. 50% chance that the weapon will embed for maximum damage into a target in that direction. (It could be a party member, enemy, your vehicle, etc.) It will take at 1d6 actions to pull the deeply embeded object free, once the player can get to it.
09%:The PC has a wardrobe malfunction. A sensitive part of the body that the character wouldn't want to get damaged has become exposed. It takes 1d4 rounds to fix the malfunction. 1d6 rounds if someone else tries to help. GM's choice - there's a possibility that the enemy might need to roll against HF, start laughing, or become very friendly.
PC cannot attack while fixing the problem. -4 to parry (w/ a less sensitive part of the body). -6 to dodge.
10%:You tripped over your own two feet and Fall on your face. you lose one attack and initiative.
11%:You punched the wall (or similar solid object) and broke 3 knuckles.
-3 strike and parry
12%:You realize that you accidently grabbed your display weapon, not your real one that morning. The weapon is useless and has a 60% chance of breaking and inflicting 1d6 damage to you.
13%:You hyperextend your joint during your attack and it's going to be sore something fierce for a while, reduce damage by 1d4, strike & parry bonus by -2. Negatives last for 3 days. Better get some ice
14%:You badly miss, and are so off balance, that your opponent gets a free attack at +4 to hit. You cannot block, parry, or dodge.
15%:Shoot yourself in the foot, 50/50 chance for right or left. Don't have feet? Shoot yourself in the face!
16%:%:Your fists of fury are anything but... Your opponent has caught your hand and can either 1) Body/Flip Throw or 2) Joint Lock (Gm's Choice) without a roll
17%: You miss your intended target, but you strike is so off target that you hit the next closest ally doing double damage.
18%: you can strike, your opponent hits you in the head, temporarily blinding you. This can either be from your helmet spinning to the side, damage to your helmet that prevents you from seeing out of the visor, damaged optics, or from a nasty cut that is bleeding into your eyes. Only 1d6 damage, and repairable in 1d4 actions.
19%:bent the blade! the blade no curves off to a 90* direction. half you strike due to the ockwardness, and half damage due to that you bent your blade!
20%: Curled the blade (axes and maces things like that are immune, roll again) insted of your weapon being a nice straight instroment of destruction, it bent 5*-105* backwards (roll percentile +5) and treat that as combat penaltys as well.
21%: hand wrapping is unthreding, every swingincreses the change of it slipping from your hand. 10%+10% a swing, if it rolls under the weapon is launched 1d6+2 yards away, but also likly to hit anyone in the way at -5 damage.
22%: Your opponent does a hard parry. ie, he parrys your HAND, ARM, or SHOULDER. Take normal damage from his weapon. There's a possibility if the damage is high enough that the effected limb is disabled or severed. (GM's call)
23%: Disarmed! You strike and inflict normal damage by accidentaly throwing your weapon. You are disarmed. If your opponent is still standing your weapon is lying at his feet. (Go ahead and use this one for a ranged weapon if you're feeling goofy)
24%: Scope bite! Your dominant eye compulsively clenches closed for 1d6 rounds, imposing -4 to hit. (Only applicable to aimed shot with a rifle or similar weapon)
25%: A Heavenly Voice beckens from above and says "Bob...bob are you there?" Compeled to answer you reply, "No, oh lord, it is I (characters name)" and the voice replies "Oh" and then is gone. Lose one Attack.
26%: You remembered you Left the Iron on. Lose one action.
27%:As you Go to attack a hidden reporter in a large trench coat takes a picture of your fight with a very bright flash. the Supernatural brightness percies even EBA lose one action and -4 to parry and dodge.
28%:Someone in your family insulted Chuck Norris. Character and all family/friends are slain instantly by a roundhouse kick, plus city of birth and/or residence is annihilated, leaving a leg-shaped crater.
29%:Slugger Shock! you hit your opponate so hard and with not enough grit your weapons vibatartes so much and so hard it hurts. loose intitutive, -2 parry next round.
30%:dusty wind. all of a sudden the wind rushes up blowing dust in your face forcing you to close your eyes because of the dust and sand in them. basicly your off balance and blinded and lasts 2d6+3 rounds.
31%:kink in the cannon. your gun barrel has something in it, weither it be water or dirt it is sending your shot in a 1d12 (like the face of a clock, 12 would be straight up in the air, 6 would be down into the ground)ramdom direction untill swabbed out.
32%:Cheap peace. got to pull the trigger and the clip falls out and lands on your little toe. take a -1 to dodge and have to reload your gun.
33%:gun starts smoking, every time you pull the trigger it smoked a little more, pull the trigger 10 times it catches a blaze, drop or throw it or wait long enough, it explodes.
34%:screws come loose, basicly if you keep useing it with out repair in 1d10 uses (meaning pull the trigger, sling it, coldcock someone ect.) it is goin gto fall apart in the field or in your hands.
35%:You get boxed in the ear but good. Stunned for one round. You can't hear out of that ear at all for 1d6x10 minutes, and it rings for 1d4 days. Possible nerve damage or busted eardrum 25%
36%:Your giving all your effort trying to kill your foe, giving so much power to your blows your power now controls itself... you shart (a fart with some of natures materal waste) your underbritches! get a critcal with your current hit, but now you have some gootchie in da tooshie. take -1 to all combative rools there after untill cleaned, not to mention... you stink.
37%:weapon weekness, you go to pull the trigger and you high dollar gun putts and lets out the meekest blast ever only dooing a single point of damage.
38%:swinging away with you sword or whatever in the fury of battle, you fail to retain proper form and when you strike your foe, is twists your wrist in the worst of fassions, not broken, but you wish it were. your current attack counts as nothing, and your wrist is so painfull you take 1d4 pain damage a round and 1d4x2 everytime you try and use it for something even as simple as picking up a pencile! sometimes the pain is so sharp it will bring you to your knees!(1-33% chance per action any action) and this lasts for 3 days! and reoccures every 3 months! and bracing your wrist reduces everything by half damage and duration. surgery is not available! but doing a cybernetic supplement will cure you of the problem.
39%:same as above but with one's ankle.
40%:The PC swallows wrong, or otherwise chokes on something small, like a hair or small peice of dirt. The PC has a short bought of spasmatic coughing. The PC looses 1d4 actions, and is -4 to parry, dodge, or roll while coughing.
41%:Ahh man where did that farie come from. You miss so badly a farie in a high vantage paint began to laugh at you. As it begins to point and dance you need to make a saving throw.
42%:Before you can strike, your opponent hits you in the stomache (or equivelent), knocking the air out of your lungs. You miss, and are -2 to all combat actions or -10% to skills until you can regain your breath. Your breath is regained once you roll below half your PE stat on a 20 sided. You can attempt this at the end of each round.
43%:Divine Intervention! The PC's perfectly aimed blow stops an inch short of the target. The PC hears a divine voice in his head telling him that his target must survive this battle. All other strikes against that target must be non-lethal, or they will be stopped short. If the PC persists in trying to kill his opponent, then he'll be struck by lightening.
44%:things are not what they appier and you step in a sink hole. your let is sunk up to the knee in mud (or equivilent) and you need 3 successfull PS rolls on a d20, untill then you are stuck in one place and -1d4 to strike and dodging is -2d6
45%:Bird poop. Or some other likeness blinds the character by covering the visor or eye piece. if no helmet is equiped you just got bird poo in the eye. And that will make for one interesting story.
46%:Your character falls asleep. He collapses on the ground and wakes up 8 hours later, unless a buddy kicks you awake.
47%:A seagull lays an egg in mid flight for 150ft. in the air. It hits you square on the head, You lose 2 actions for the suprize and you take 2d6 sdc. (if player checks egg its hard boiled)
48%:You go to shoot and you get hit with an intense urge to go #2. You get stomach cramps and have to go Now!!!
49%:This time the character is hit by the entire bird (mabye it had a heart attack or something like that)(or mabye Chaney happened)
but the character takes 3d6 SDC and loses 2 actions.
50%:You miss Ha Ha
51% You go to shoot your weapon but all that comes out of the barrel is a flag that says BANG!
52% The Dodge Caliber fairey arrives and turns you into something "cute" (open a Cosmo magizine or the like to a random page to see results)
53% a 1988 Chevy Caprice falls from the sky and out comes this guy with a TW-chain saw for a hand and a TW-Shotgun and attacking every one, starting with you.
54% Chaney pops up out of nowhere and blasts you in the face.
55%Chaney falls out of the sky and lands on you
56% You realize Big Brother is watching. You lose all of your attacks.
57% your weapon deflates
58% You get the hiccups! -1d10 on all actions until they go away. (re-roll for each action. If a skill roll, then -1d10 x 10.) The GM will decide when they go away, but it should be at least 5 minutes.
59% e clip ejection, think fast...
60% Weapon made by ACME! When you shoot, the bullet (or other projectile) stays suspended in midair while you and your weapon fly backwards inflicting half range and damage, Roll for a chance to pause for a moment holding up a sign that reads 'YIPES!'
61%: your attack misses you hit a mirror. 7 years bad luck
62% you step in a golper hole, taking 1 attack to extract yourself
63%- Your gun fails the PC. the PC looks down and see's a large DB wiener dog crawl out of the ground and and start barking irately at everyone. each bark shoots 1D4 swarms of bee's. the bee's quickly move in stinging everyone randomly until the wiener dog chews bee's. Each sting does 1 SDC.
64% - all of the sudden the song "it's raining men" plays loudly from the heavens. A rift opens and 1d4x10 singing fat chicks rain from the sky, clearly unaware of whats going on. if a fat chick hits a character they take 40 SDC. oh yea your gun breaks too.
65% Weapon jams or misfires, 1D4 actions to clear jam and reload
66% You swing and trip and are struck by your own blade, taking appropriate damage.
67% You loose you footing after an overswing, opponent gets a counterattack for free, automatically bypassing AR.
68% Something is in your rifle's barrel, it backfires and you take 1/2 the appropriate damage to your face. You are blinded for next 2 days and have a 20% chance of permanent blindness, or a 30% chance of blindness lasting for 1-6 months. Your PB is -4, from the horrible burns.
69% Your belt breaks and your pants fall down. The brown stains in your underwear causes your attackers to start laughing uncontrollably for 1d4 turns. The females in your party are now disgusted by it and are -2 to strike or Parry/Dodge. You have to use 1 hand to hold your pants up, and are -3 to strike, parry ort dodge until pants are resupported by either a new belt or other means.
70% Your stomach is upset, instead of swinging you vomit uncontrollably for next 1-6 rounds. You are -6 strike, Parry or dodge and -30% to all skills.
71% you stabbed and missed accidently striking yourself in the groin severing your organs, any hopes of reproduction are gone, you will die a virgin. You suffer normal damage and will bleed to death in 5 minutes.
72 - just before the player character strikes, a big green foot with gnarly unkempt toenails descends from the heavens (or ceiling) and squashes the player character into the ground. Player has to dig himself out of the hole when the foot withdraws and loses initiative as a result.
73%Your repressed and unyeilding love for rice pudding gets the best of you. Spend the next 2D6 actions looking for that last, lovingly hidden snacky-pack.
74%you've accidently snorted a small flying bug up your nose (mosquito, sand fly etc etc.). spend the next 2d4 rounds hakcing and trying to blow snark out your nose to get rid of the pest. (if your wearing a helmet your little friend got in uninvited when you first put it on)
75%you've accidently snorted a small flying bug up your nose (mosquito, sand fly etc etc.). spend the next 2d4 rounds hakcing and trying to blow snark out your nose to get rid of the pest. (if your wearing a helmet your little friend got in uninvited when you first put it on)
76%character's rebelious lifestyle gets the best of them and they have a fatal heart attack. Characters are allowed 1d8 actions to scream and sob, but all other actions are at a minus 10, and skills are reduced by 75%.
77%The character is struck with a sudden and shocking epiphany that the world he is living in is a construct of greater beings as a source of entertainment with the character as simply a puppet under one of these beings control. lose 1d4 attacks and for the next d6 weeks is preocupied with numbers writen on paper and is distracted by a clacking noise closely resembling the sound of dice rolling that only he can hear. -15% on all skills for these weeks.
78%the screws holding the tang on your sword have come loose and, as you swing your sword, the blade flies out of the hilt and imbeds itself 2 feet into a brick wall
79%you step on the business end of a rake, the handle jumps up and you take a shot in the apple bag. any witnesses to the event must roll vs ME to avoid pointing and laughing at you for the next d4 melee rounds.
80%Your weapon flies out of your hand going into an inconveniently place china shop, there is currently a bull inside inspecting a very valuable mink vase
81%you blast away and hit absolutely nothing, han solo is disappointed
82%Cow from Space falls and merely disarms you.
83%You should have zigged when you zagged, next action you get between next attack from closest ally and his target, get hit, and cause ally to lose 3 actions if of good alignment due to feeling bad, 2 if of selfish alignments, 1 if evil, and GAIN 1 if Diabolic. (friends are rare for them anyways... ever wonder why?).
84%If no ally is around to intercept his blade or bullet, then when moving the wrong way, step on small debris, lose balance and fall backwards into the loving embrace of the enemy, causes enemy to lose weapon if of "human" thought, most will react by catching falling objects out of instinct. However, there are always instances that this wouldnt apply a CS grunt isnt going to catch a Cyborg... hopefully ^_^ ... but the NPC can take approprate measures to make your life less amusing.
85%Your pants fall from your waist, revealing much more than the enemy wanted to see. You drop your weapon and hastily pull up your pants, hoping that nobody noticed the effect of a freak welding accident on a certain region.
86%You have a spontaneous nosebleed.
87%Your attack seemed on target but foes perfect defense causes damage to you weapon. ie projectile reflected back at weapon, hard parry to flat of blade, solid block of unarmed swing etc etc. Roll damage as per normal and apply it to your weapon.
88%Your wild miss leaves target open for attack. +2 to hit for next attack on him if attack occurs before targets next action or yours. If no one attacks him he gets +2 on his next attack on you.
89%If H2H - Your strike misses where you intended to hit and gets stuck
on your opponets gear/armor/fleshy sacs or whatever. Lose all
remaining attacks and take 1D4 dmg. Opponet you are stuck to
gains an extra attack on charachter and is +5 to do so for this turn.
-Ranged - The shot ricochets back at you and hits, but you suffer no
damage! Too bad your pack, belt, or other nifty gear toting
accsessory is severed and 1D10 random contents of your gear trail
behind you.
90%A sudden urge to make a bowel movement cramps the character up, preventing this attack and the rest of his attacks this turn with extreme pain in his abdomen.
The next melee round, all OTHER characters within a 4 foot (1 meter) radius are affected by stench, making them -5% on all skills and giving a -1 to strike, parry and dodge.
If he does not relieve himself in 1d4 melee rounds, the urge becomes to powerful to control and the character unfortunately soils himself. Until relieving or soiling, the character is -2 to strike, parry and dodge and loses one attack per melee.
Remember... a true hero will fight on.
91%Acting in a macho-manish way, you beat your chest with said weapon (or hands) and your MDC armor chest plating falls to the ground exposing your SDC body. (if MDC Creature then take 2D4 in damage from pounding chest). Or in shock you fire your gun off in the air by accident and you now roll percentile to see what happens next. 01%-33% you drop your gun ,34%-66% you flung you gun in spastic manor, 67%-99% your gun stays in your hand but is now jamed, 100% your gun explodes doing 1D6 in 10 meter radius.
92%Suddenly the ugliest mauve and lime green couch you've ever seen comes flying at you through a rift (1-50% at you, 51-90 in between you and your opponent Causing you to miss, 91-95% hits you hard enough to disarm you or knock you off balance (whatever's appropriate), 96-99 hits you doing twice what your attack would have been or 1d6*10+10(which ever is greater), 100 automatically stuns you doing 70 dam to you head (if still alive save versus ko)). all party's involved pc's and npc must make a save versus mental stun/bewilderment 15 or better with M.E. bonus's. Or lose initiative and 1 attack.
93%character's weapon intersects quantum particles from a GASEOUS ANOMALY in an alternate (and unknown) universe; weapon reacts with these particles, in an astounding perpendicular course with character's own universe, resulting in an explosive fusion of at least 3d6 ALTERNATE REALITIES. However many alternate realities are rolled for this outcome, THAT MANY *duplicates* of the character (and anyone within that many feet) MATERIALIZE randomly within 1d4x100 feet of fumbling character. All effects of characters weapon are NULLIFIED, save 2d4 damage to that character, AND THE DESTRUCTION OF HIS/HER/ITS WEAPON... However, at least ONE (possibly more) duplicate versions of this character will have an exact version of this weapon, which may or may not be retrieved before the eclectic resolution of this encounter.
-Artistic license is given to the GM as to the demeanor and capbabilities of other versions of fumbling character. No matter what, at the end of 3d6 rounds, all other versions of fumbling character vanish, leaving no trace they were ever there, except for any physical/emotional/spiritual damage they might have done. Also, 2d4 of them might have left possessions behind, including the destroyed weapon that caused this FREAKISH FUMBLE to begin with.
-Further, if the situation is that dire, the fumbling character MAY hold onto a vanishing version of him/her/it-self to enter that version's universe.
93%A tiny insect whizzes in front of your eye in mid swing/shot making you lose your attack, you must also roll to dodge what you believe is Giant Xyticix flanking you.
94%You are suddenly overwhelmed with a bad case of the heebie jeebies and general ickyness. Lose 2 attacks are -4 to strike parry/dodge for the remainder of the melee
95% A stray rock ricochets off your weapon or hand knocking it off course. The rock then proceeds to bounce off your weapon to your closest ally hitting him square in the chest. Ally takes regular damage for your attack .
96%You spot the most beautiful flower. Lose 1 attack, and character is obsessed with doing nothing but smelling this flower for the next 30 seconds.
97%You just realized that you just reached the poetic climax of the fight and just failed to deliver. Lose 1 attack due to sorrow and the character sheds a single tear.
98%A fast moving saucer pulls up right over the character and beams him up. The character is returned to the exact same position 24 hours later. Felling no worse for wear and remembers nothing that happened in that time. except he’s a little sore in his neather regions.
99%your attack hit’s a flooper that’s currently flooped and returns him to this plane of existence. He seams very upset, and has no idea how he that just happened and tells he demands to be returned. He also tells you the only way back is for you to strike him again. If you agree he’ll be gone in a flash if not he’ll just have to walk.
00%All Of The Above

You roll a one...please grab a 100-sided, and follow me. OH...and bring tissue..

Here's your 1. Fighting Giant Crabs (with sonic blast and 100 MD) My poor son (new players-ages 15-17) rolled it in a scene. Had him totally miss and fall on his face-lots of mud and in an approaching storm on the Gulf. Got ran over (almost) by his own vehicle-Kit driving. Crabs approaching and cannons firing off vehicle all over his head. Worked well. They ended in the small fishing village eating 500 lb worth of cooked crab. Not bad for newbies.

ICE??

Heh.

Here's a scenario: We're in heavy combat in an HU game, and the villain is handing it to us good. I'm in a suit of power armor that during creation I rolled that it's an imperfect prototype, and whenever I try to use one of the on-board systems there is a 30% chance of something bad happening (either not working, misfire, etc.). The GM came up with a malfunction table specifically for my character. We've also got an Experiment and a Bionics character.

During combat, as I said, the villain is taking it to us. Somehow, I've managed to avoid having a malfunction and my armor isn't that damaged. The bionics character's armor was about done for, and the Experiment was on his last few hit points. I'm pretty sure the GM wouldn't have intentionally killed us...until the following happened.

I gain the initiative and decide I'm going to fire a pair of mini-missiles at the guy. Nothing else was working (found out later he had Massive Damage Capacity, so it wasn't that things weren't working - he just had a TON of SDC). Anyhow, I go to fire and roll a natural 1. Ok, something bad is going to happen, but first we have to go for the malfunction. I roll under 30%, and then roll on the table my buddy created. Malfunction? Locked on friendly target. Great. So I'm hoping for the best here when I roll on the fumble chart. Result? Fire on friendly target. Great - I'm locked on with a total bonus of +7 to strike, and I have to fire on a friendly target. I roll a D2 and come up with (thankfully, I thought at first) the bionics character. AR of 18, and I'm rolling crappy right now. How can things go bad? Yeah...natural 20.

So both mini-missiles hit him. He tried to dodge and failed miserably (rolled a 2). Roll on the critical strike chart...triple damage. Wow. 1D6 x 10 each. I roll 2D6...12. 120 SDC. Tripled = 360 SDC. I actually killed him with this shot. Which would have been not so bad, except the Experiment was standing behind him. The force of the blast sent the Bionics character into the Experiment, and then sent both of them through the wall of the adjacent building. Killed 2 of my own party members with 1 shot. All thanks to a natural 1.

Ouch.... twice

Pistol Quick Draw nat 1: Roll percentile
You draw your pistol but your grip is quite poor and instead of aiming it you instead fling it at your opponent
1-40%: Your pistol sails cleanly over your foe's shoulder and lands in the dirt behind him
41-50%: Your pistol nails your opponent square in the face, is knocked senseless, and crumples in a heap in front of you!
51-90%: Your opponent catches the pistol and flings it right back at you, reroll percentile and apply effects to the owner of the weapon!
91-100%: Your pistol hits your opponent square in the chest and for some unknown reason detonates with the force of a very small nuclear explosion vaporizing your opponent from head to shins!!! All you see before you are a pair of shins and feet where your opponent once stood, as they fall over you quickly stuff your hands and pockets, begin whistling, and walk briskly away from the combat and hope nobody notices what just happened.

Not necessarily Palladium but definitely relevant to this thread

In my gaming group and my close friend circle I have garnered the name "fumbles" for my ability to roll a critical failure on nearly every roll imaginable (while alternatively I refer to my friend as "The Lich King" seeing as he seems to roll so many nat 20's and I attribute this to his supernatural ability to suck the luck right out of my dice). Some instances of my epic failures:

Fighting my way through a bunch of Black Market goons armed with only a pump-pistol and 35 MDC. Not only did I fumble and bust the loading mechanism on the gun but when I finally managed to acquire an enemy hovercycle and its attached rail gun, I managed to jam the gun with a fumble the first time i fired it

Trying to throw the flashbang that would basically neutralize the Big Bad, and was most likely going to be final roll of that session, I fumbled, set the grenade off in my hand, knocked myself out, and was only capable of having a working hand because the GM felt sorry for me and had already taken my characters hand in a different campaign!

Fighting against a band of city guards I fumbled and the GM assigned everyone in the encounter a number and rolled to see who was hit by my attack. He rolled the combination of the single weakest NPC and the one that is most important to the storyline at the time. Suffice to say the only reason that he didn't die from my attack is because the Big Bad showed up and finished him off not thirty seconds later.

I had a character who through a series of abilities (this was in Pathfinder) had something like +40 to jump. So whenever I made a jump check all I had to do is not roll a one. First jump check of the game: a natural friggin one! I jumped right into the enemy and was subsequently mauled. Later that same game I made another jump check: shocker was that it was another natural one. Both I and the mage that was piggybacking off me landed straight into some quicksand.

My latest one was so INFINITELY STUPID that it caused the game to be hilarious for the next two-hours at my expense. I had been absence the session before this one and the GM and rather than going through some contrived plot-modding he decided to just open up the great retcon void and bring him in. For formalities sake he had me roll a d20 just to see if I, the great fumbles, could actually manage to roll 1 on demand. True to legend, I pulled it off. And so, rather than my character being brought in to the game, another character I had made for a one-shot minigame (appropriately named Suicide McDies) came sauntering out of the portal like John Wayne in a cowboy movie. Unfortunately for poor McDies his main character feature is his many deaths and subsequent revivals as(also since he was a quickie 5-minute character he had no skills, equipments, feats, or spells). Not even minutes after exiting the void he (I kid you not) fumbled his first roll, a save, and had every single tree in the local forest collapse on him and, since he lived through that, was shot for good measure. McDies had many hilarious/terrifyingly stupid moments during that game including but not limited too: a "NOOOOOOOO" moment that summoned rain that put out the fires in a village (he was then struck by lightning and died), struck by a random weapon from across the field by another player whom fumbled, being viciously murdered by the Big Bad several times, retaliating against said Big Bad by swatting her with a Newspaper, being annihilated into unrevivable dust just after that, and as a final act of fate rolled a nat 20 (finally) to will his dust into her eyes to forever cause minor irritation the likes of which even Ben Stein couldn't defeat!

Just some ideas i had

Right before you strike you hear in a loud and thunderous voice "YOU SHALL NOT PASS". Followed by rocks falling on top of you, damage as approprate.
as you dig your self out you notice, along with every one else with a 200 ft area, that there is a man in grey robes fighting a baalrog(not sure of the spelling). Combat ends as every one watches this epic battle.

As your weapon hits your target you hear a "Squeak", like that of a dog toy. only to realize that your weapon has been truned into an inflated version. ( for punches and kicks use the Socken' Boppers.)

As you give your all into this swing, off in the distance a man in brown robes shouts. "Let My People Go!" then all weapons currently being used in the combat turn into snakes (GM choice as to what kind) They all turn back at the end of combat.

I tend to use the site bellow for 20's and 1's



http://www.temporalnexus.net/multiverse ... Misses.php

When I read "your weapon, unbeknownst to you..." right near the start, I immediately thought of another critical, and amusing, failure:

"The weapon that you've been using all these years has, unbeknownst to you, suddenly develops sentience and begins giving you a stern lecture on your constant need for violence and how you can solve more problems with love and tea than fighting."

RD

Sounds like 'The Moment' from "The Day of the Doctor".

"The friction of your armour/garments (and/or combined with the rush of air, depending on armour/garments worn or not worn) as you move swiftly in combat, causes you to experience a premature 'Little Death', resulting in you missing your attack, and leaving you posed in an awkward stance as you attempt to recover." Loss of initiative for the next round, loss of next action, -2 on combat and perception rolls until normal initiative is regained.